Listening to: Color Blind - Counting Crows

Reading: Jennifer Government - Max Barry

Looking: For more classic, good books

Is: Tired as hell

Wants: To go to sleep.

Thinks: She will.

Night.
Schnugged at 17:30 |

Sarah: Forty-six years, Phillip. Forty-six red roses; forty-six white. White for truth--red for passion. That's what you always said: "Passion and truth; that's all we need." I wish you were here, Phillip. I don't know what to do about Libby. She seems to have become so bitter. She was cruel about Mr. Maranov and she won't have our picture window. She says we're too old-our lives are over. I don't think I can manage her much longer. Oh, if only you were here, Phillip. Oh, Phillip, my corset has so many stays and so many ties. You said, "Too many, my love. The moon will set before I have you completely undone." But I said, "Never, my love. I won't be entirely undone--even by you. For what mystery would keep you with me if you unwrap them all?"

I have no idea where this quote is from but I love it. Its from a movie I guess, but so beautiful. *squeals* Its quiet per usual and I've done *some* hw. School tommorow and I am definitely not looking forward to it. Who does? I live for the precious hours of lunch. Not spent very well though. I am adoring 'Color Blind' by Counting Crows. Despite the scene its used for, its a beautiful song.
Badminton was fun today. I really liked it. Usually I'm quite contemplative but today was really good. They all showed up. No calling. No distress. All good.
Personal Life: Its all right. I'm all depressed for no reason. And Blogger has changed its layout. *screams* I like the old one. Prettier!!

Anyway, v. cold and movies on. Must be off. Wish me luck and listen to the song. You won't be annoyed!!!

Schnugged at 20:46 |

On a much happier note:

- Water restrictions are off. Apparently its been the rainiest it would ever be in a decade. A decade, people!

- My friends are good people. They are. Despite how they act towards me, I've seen them act with others. They're basically good people (a bit naieve and gulliable) but good peple. I can't deny that.

- I have a new NEW website for my dreams and other stuff I want to post. The problem is some people know the url and I don't want them to know so its a bit of a problemo. Oh dear.

- Got two new DVDs, both Dads. Damn. Mum says she'll get the ones I want soon. Me want BA DVD, but its $100. Yah!

- Mmm...Chem was so good. I have so many stories now. Sometimes I sorta like that my friends are apart from my classes. It gives me lots of diff. friends and a range of diverse memories. For example: today in Chem I got a free coffee (YAY!) from Jen and we both snickered about Suzanne in class. Of course the bitch was sitting right behind us which was hilarious. All by herself, with no one she could run to and fuck. And then of course Steph came so I had to go sit with her, which I don't mind, and we ended up getting told off by 'pants up my arse' Jarrett for laughing and talking too much.
'Its not my fault Steph's trying to throttle me'
'WHat's steam, miss? I mean, chemically." *giggles*
"break a leg." me to Step before she left for Bulla.

- Haha! In English, Miss Wadden said something really funny. I forgotten what it was but I think it was about sex. (Jordi might add it to Silver and Green) How come we always end up talking about that? ALso she was telling us stories about how she interacts with her kids, they use the 'f' word a lot. V. funny. Also, Lou kept questioning Mr. Leon (Pablo) about his life. APPARENLTY *leans forward in hushed whispers* he fell in love with someone and came to Australia to marry her. But their marriage broke off mysteriously...ooohhh...and now he's still here. Oooh...yes, we were all delightfully entertained. And of course today is 'Siesta Friday' meaning we watch a Spanish video, (which is of course MA) and its got this sex scene taht Pablo would edit out (he edited out this gay love scene and Sara was soo v. disapointed) but he didn't this time and it was graphic. And when I say graphic, I mean GRAPHIC! Not porn, but graphic. And he tried fastforwarding but it wouldn't work so we kept laughing. So funny. Finished the slasher movie, of course the brother dies. We all saw that coming.

- Kazzaa is being a shit arse lately. I can't download nothing.

- Count down. Karen's coming back. She's coming back! no no nononononononon! *drowns*

- I trying to make a really good book list. Book No 1) Talented Mr Ripley. I weally weally want to read that. And then I'm going through mum's library. I want to read the 'Accidental Tourist'. Mum's got a whole lot of good books I know Sue would want to read. I want to read White Teeth but I forget who has it now. Anyway, shall go get talented mr ripley, I also want to get Virgin Suicides. But I have to find it first. *points to Borders* Ahoy!


Schnugged at 21:23 |

I am having a positively awful day. Well I thought I was, y'see, I haven't straightened my hair in like a few months now. (so into curling!) So I straighten it, and I know it won't ruin with a little rain. Having a normal day, off to Psych and it starts raining right about when I have to go out into the open to get to Psych class. I grumble a little and wait. Still raining. Deciding I have to get to Psych before the Rawlings comes, I make out. I mean, its only raining a little.
Of course as soon as I step out, midway to the door, the rain starts pounding down harder drenching me in torrents. Urgh! That and I don't know, I'm in such a bad mood lately. I haven't eaten ANYTHING lately, as lunch doesn't exist with mass singing and all. Why during lunch? Why not during class? FUCK!
That and my friends are so irritating, do they talk about anything BUT school. God! Oh and they talk about VCE all the time. And of course totally ignore me just because I'm in IB. Oh god, its petty but still irritating. I can't help it. blergh. Of course I felt better in class, Mrs Rawlings actually said something nice about me when I presented her with my higher levels. Well I thought it was nice. None of my friends or my parents have ever said anything like that to me. And it was Mrs Rawlings too.
Oh and another thing, I hate my friends insinuating certain things. 'You're always complaining about her." says Cathy. Me, "No I don't." I barely even get to say anything around them that doesn't degenerate into making me sound stupid or silly just to please them. I caught myself blaring another useful fact in that annoying voice of mine. Blergh again. ANother thing, yesterday I said to Carman jokingly v. obviously, "oh and you left Anna without a partner." And Carman gets all ticked off about it. Anna says it to her face today still jokingly and Carman laughs it off. What the hell?
And is it just me or does no one want to sit next to me? *shrugs in perplexity* I'm paranoid, that's what. But still, I don't get it. Really, I wish someone would tell me. I think its food and sleep deprivation, I'm just really not in a good mood. Bugger. This is not good. I can't wait till PAF's over.






Schnugged at 21:06 |

Ooh! Ames just sent me an e-mail postcard. She toured some cheese place yesterday and ate bread, and went to the eiffel tower and said its sorta warm but still cold. And the French people are nice. Except for the ones who don't speak English.
Not much else. The rest is pretty private. Except for the bit about meeting some French teenage boy who she really likes. He gave her some cheese, she said. Its love, I told her. She believed me. *laughs*


Schnugged at 22:37 |

I feel like writing. I never get to anymore.

Extract: Braithwaite

Dropping the keys onto the stand, she noticed with an apparent sense of dread the living room lit only by candlelight. The strobe lights that shed a harsh, hot light on anything were off and the figure lounging on her sofa with her heels linked together across the Persian rug was Lore. She was cradling in one hand what looked like a glass of scotch but was probably coke. The amber liquid sloshed from side to side, as she waved it up at the cande light casting a dark brown shadow over her usually pale face.
"You said no," said Lore as she entered softly. Alexis paused momentarily before sauntering forward, dropping the shopping bags on the floor.
Sighing, "I know."
"Well its your decision," said Lore emotionlessly, patting a seat beside her on the couch.
Alexis came forward, flopped onto the couch and wrapped arms around her best friend, "Do you think it was a bad idea to say no?"
"Yes..." Alexis licked her lips, "and no. He loved you but you were right, you're too young, he was too late."
Alexis froze, her eyes glazing over, "Uhuh."
"But then again...you were turning away a guy who just wanted to love and and adore you. A guy who's charming, cute, who laughs at your jokes, who doesn't steal the covers, understands why you keep a stuffed koala in your bed, wants your more than any other woman in the world, doesn't want you for your money and who gets you which even for me is pretty hard sometimes. To me, that seems like the most asinine thing you could ever do." Lore looked over at her friend pointedly before taking a swig from her drink and standing up, "Anyway, I'm off to bed. Night."






Schnugged at 22:04 |

I love rainy days. Especially on weekends or holidays, I always wake up in the morning to the rain and I feel so safe and snug with the covers pulled right up to my chin, a cup of coffee, moosie, and the gauzy curtains pulled across the windows giving me a filtery, almost ethereal look onto the miserable world outside. Sometimes I feel I'm so like that, that I pull myself into the recesses of my mind to escape everything. That warm snug safe place inside. Other than that I adore rainy days, they give me such warm, hugable feelings. Adore them, I do. Yes. Yes.

Also: I love my bed. Big, warm, spacious and no one steals my sheets.


Schnugged at 17:15 |

All I have to say today is that:

I hate karma.


Schnugged at 17:13 |

Letter from Sister:

Dear All,

Not sure what I've written so far, but when we got to Fethyie we boarded a 100ft yacht sailing us to Myra over 4 days. We stopped at the main stops; Butterfly Valley - with the pissiest waterfall - not work the 2Mill we paid to trek 20 minutes to see, Olu Deniz - gorgeous blue lagoon, Kas, Kalkan - I think this was where the sunken city was...it was so much fun, jumping off the boat into the water, snorkelling, surf skiing - some of the guys even went para gliding. Felt like such a rockstar sunning on the deck - everyone on our boat was awesome too - heaps of Aussies - a shit reminder of what I'm going back too, but they were all so much fun and absolutely lovely - as us Melbourne people are.

Am finally in Olympos. It is sooooooooo beautiful. First night after the yacht and I got 'still sickness' - it was weird, felt like the world was swaying. We stayed in a treehouse for the night - one of the American guys got stung by a Scorpion and that was it for us...we are now in a bungalow with ensuite shower and its great! So many insects...if you ever come here bring the RID. It's enormously hot and the walk to the beach, which in only 10 mins, feels like 2 hours. Go to the last market on the road before the entrance to the park and get a frozen bottle of water - they're the only people who do it! The walk is sooo worth the effort coz after paying the arsehole entrance fee into the national park you find yourself walking though trees that have grown amongst the ruins (second century B.C.) and fresh water brooks that run into a little inlet that leads to the beach. It's fabulous coz you go for a dip into the Agean which is luke warm and extra salty, then you jump straight into chilly fresh water to cool off and wash off all the salt. Its so refreshing, almost like your own natural mini Turkish bath.

We've met heaps of Aussies on the yacht, all from Melbourne. Anyhow it was one of the 'Melbourne Grammar' girls' 22nd Birthday - do I feel old - last night and we headed to the Orange bar which is a little club built right in front of a huge cliff face. It was wicked, a few tequila shots and some funky house and we were all set. I was sooooooo plastered and talking codshit - as per usual - and apparently could not walk in a straight line. I don't remember parts of the night which has never happened before so I've decided no more tequila - for tonight anyway, he, he, my headache is almost gone and I don't think I brain my damaged.

Nothing else to report so far. Tonight's going to be lazy, as is every other night. We're heading to see Chimera - it's where flames shoot out of
volcanic rock, they used to light the Olympic torch there.Should be good. Better fly need a sleep before dinner...god I don't know how I'm going to function back in the real world.

miss u all

Lil' Lotus xox


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ERgh! Mum and Dad are sooo proud of her. They're like 'Oh wow! See, she's getting out there! Doing things!' and I'm like 'HELLO, remember me the daughter who doesn't drink and doesn't go out clubbing and doesn't have anonymous sex with strangers and doesn't gets pregant and gets good...well, reasonable grades'. (My sister didn't do any of that either but still...) Bloody hell. Mary adores her and tells me I should like her. *stares* She does not have a sister and cannot compare. I'm sorry, but puh-lease! Not my sister. Not my perfect sister who's only fault was sitting on me and nearly squashing me to death, before she got thin. Jesus, if she tried to squash me again I'd probably throw her into the mirror. I may be fat but I'm strong. *Does macho pose - stops* Sorry for scaring you. She's just so damn annoying sometimes. 'Having a great time, missing you'. Oh yea right! She got to stay in a treehouse, not fair. I'm stuck here dreading bloody IB exams. Well fuck her. *pisses off*

M.M.W

Schnugged at 22:36 |

Yay! Did Chem hw. Just Psych to do, and YOU know its just shit easy. Well, its all right for me. I don't know why everyone else stresses about it. I really hate Steph calling me 'Mrs Rawlings' Golden Child. Just coz I got the highest mark on the exam doesn't mean I'm her pet. Steph's just as much her pet. In a way she's a bit of a suck but her ulterior motives are the same as mine, we all want to do well and we'll step on each other to do it. Its ruthless I know, but where does morality and ethics lie in today's society? In word of mouth, perhaps? But purely practisced? I think not.
That's probably the most articulate sentence I've had today. But then again, I didn't spell 'practised' right. Urgh! Why am I so inarticulate?

fabaceous : bean-like
vacillate : fluctuare in opinion or resolution (sounds like me, I'm easily turned)
kainotophobia : fear of change (so me! ^-^)
badinage : playful repartee or banter

Ahh, my words of the day. Aren't they pretty? Ames is going to Paris next week and is going to be incommunicado for like three weeks, which is really, really shit. I still have Em and Mary and Jen. Jen's parents are moving house somewhere though so she'll probably be uncontactable (if Shakespeare can do it, I can). Okay, fine Em and Mary. *glances at Em who is speaking downright gibberish about vectors* Oookay...silly, mathetmatical Em. Maybe just Mary. Yes, good ol Mary. We were talking about name changes last night, I want Mariah and she wants Melanie so we can be sisters. *rolls eyes* Its Melissa, dear.




Schnugged at 22:24 |

Went to McRob today. When we got out it looked pretty miserable, but it was cold and cloudy and I think they were doing renovations. Inside its really nice, I don't know what Alice and Bonnie complain about. They get HUGE lockers that are not outside in the cold and damp, they have big buildings which are all fuckign connected (stupid isolated Centenary!), and although I hate their uniform and their canteen is a little too small I don't think McRob is bad at all. Silly gals. ^-^

Okay, the whole Philosophy Conference was shit. I've decided I like MLC debates better, they're a whole lot funnier and Ildi could run any of those speakers into teh mud anyday. (Sorry Mcrob girls) And everytime they cheered I felt a shiver run up my spine like they were cheering for a hanging or something. Eekk...I hate it when I get those chills. They spook me. The other stuff was boring, I ended up playing hangman, connect four, tic tac toe, mash, match and 'spot the tubby bitch' with Clare, Adelle, Elise, Steph and Sonia. When we were playing MATCh (a v. different version to MASH), all the guys that were selected were either a prince (Charles, William or Harry) or Josh Harnett, Hayden Christanesen (yuck!), Heath Ledger or Paul Walker. ERGH! I don't like none. Oh wait, there was one. Ryan Phillipe. But Sonia kept whining he was married so we had to take him off the list.
The best time was riding back home and we all got the back (Coz everyone else left by train or tram). We were all talking and it was so nice and sweet and happy. And I didn't get bus-sick! For the first time! YAY!

Note: Sarah and the bitch left in the middle of a lecture and were supposed to be back before the bus left so Miss whats-her-name didn't know but they didn't turn up and the two teachers found out and we left without them. Whoops. *giggles wickedly* Omg, that's so pathetic!

I'll post more later...maybe. I have Chem Prac I have to write up (big imp.) and Psych Homework due. Shit! Veni, vidi, vici! Ta.

Schnugged at 18:15 |

I realised yesterday that I can barely remember Andrea's face. That's really sad. They say you don't grow apart but you do. They're all grown up now, bordering on year 11. On their fucking summer holidays. Andrea would be touring Paris in her dad's Porsche, stupid rich girl. She was so adorable though, that cute French accent and me and her listening to Cher in her Dad's car. Good times. And of course David heckling us in the back. That was hilarious! It feels sad that the memories are slipping me like water off a duck's back. Like for example: playing Goldeneye at Steve's house and putting on the big head cheat. All the guys (Steve, David, Nick and Greg) would always comment when I played, and I always had to wrestle the bloody controller off Steve coz he thought I'd die and that he'd 'just do a little for me'. *rolls eyes* They always put on all the cheats for me. Silly bastards.
I remember when I first came here and how dreadful it sounded to come to a 'Girls School'. I'd never been to a girl's school. I'd always been surrounded by boys. Boys I'd liked. I really didn't like girls. They were all clothesy and girlish and backstabey. And of course my best friend in the entire world was David, except for Justine. Gawd, my first year here was awful. I don't know I got through it. I suppose this year could be a whole lot worse, I really don't know how I got through Year 7. Year 8 was one fucking waste. And Year 9 and 10. I barely remember them now. They seem so far away.
I still have the guys' picture, and Harry's I took in the locker room. I miss them all. Jacob and Tony too. Whenever I write for my friends now, I remember writing for my them. Its always a brief pang but its there. I remember reading out what I'd wrote in the locker room. It was so great. I miss them all now. It still hurts to think about it. All those missed opportunities.
It's said that we leave a history behind us when we move. But then, they say too that your 'real' history begins when you're twenty and can do something. I've left this history behind me that stretches a mile long and I'm only 16 and I left when I was 10. It seems strange that it was a history. But there is so much to tell and share that sometimes I can't keep it inside. My friends don't want to know about it but I'd tell them if they asked. But then again i couldn't, because so much of it is just in me. In what I've done and cultivated myself into. I find it strange to think of myself in terms of these memories, I am so different that I was back then. I mean they tell me they grew up in these primary schools full of boys and girls and gangs and they think they've 'lived'. I've had to grow up in American schools, a middle school not a primary school. And they are very much different, you go out with each other in fourth grade, boys are hot in grade 5, there's gossip and candour rumoring around. And of course there are the dances. You don't grow up in those schools. You're either there or you drown. That's the lesson I learned and adapting to MLC, a school built on innocence knows nothing of this.

Schnugged at 18:08 |

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun
Coral is far more red than her lips' red,
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun,
If hairs be wires, black wires grow upon her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks,
And in some perfumes is there more delight,
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak: yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound,
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground,
And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
As any she belied with false compare

- William Shakespeare

I am not an articulate person and am prone to going 'OMG' or 'that is sooo cool!' or 'DUDE!'. However, inside my head I spin tales of wicked stanzas and perplexing paragraphs. The problem? I can never put them down to page. Whether here or in the middle of my English exam. Somedays I wish I could just stand there in the midst and recite word after word of nonsense. Be a real Rudyard Kilpling. ^_^ I digress. The point being that this sonnet above, written by W. Shakespeare I really adore. It sounds as if he is comparing her but Will has written yards of filth about women being as beautiful as they may but in this poem he describes 'the real women', I feel. And I adore it because it speaks of the truth of woman kind, there is no perfect women and if she indeed 'perfect' socially and whatever else, then she is in imperfect for to be perfect you must have flaws. And as this is a contradiction, there never can and never will be the perfect woman.
Shakespeare loved not the most beautiful, not the most wittiest, not the sharpest but an ordinary woman who he fell in love with for herself and as I read this, I sometimes feel hope not for myself but for everyone. *rolls eyes* How corny!


Schnugged at 17:47 |

My hands are soooo cold so if my typing is wonky, sorry. They feel like bone at the moment. Just pure bone. No skin or nothng. Anyway, enough about my hands ( i need gloves! Draco gloves!). Its nearly three and I have nay done any homework. So this better be a quick, non-sensical post. My hands are sooo cold! *rolls eyes*
I have to clean my room too. *sigh* Will this sadness never end? School again tommorow. The weekend is too short and for half of it i'm working my ass off. I have badminton traning tommorow afternoon too. *sigh* ANYWAY, if you're reading this and have decided that you (anonymouse user) have nothing better to do...well then

Googlism yourself!!!

V. funny. Even if you have some interminably boring name like Nancy, or Jane or Priscilla. *giggles* Anyhoo, have fun.

I have a Gilmore Girl's quote, don't tell anyone I like it! Its sad but its interesting (once I stop focusing on the gigantum that is Rory's forehead)

Luke: Why, what was wrong with that one?
Jess: It was pink.
Luke: We can paint it.
Jess: You mean I can paint it.
Luke: We can paint it together.
Jess: Great, then we can hold hands and skip afterwards.

In some ways, Jess's quotes are almost Draco-like. May I explain that I in no way am comparing or determining that Jess is any way LIKE Draco. he is not and is better off playing some dead whiney who misses the friend he killed. *tear rolls off face, Frodo-esque* I hate Jess. He annoys me. I don't like Dean either, he's so 'football quaterback' school like. That non-washable hair and macho 'have I got a brain?' look. But Jess is the scrawny, tad pole who looks like he crawled out from under some sludge that isn't shit, but worse than shit, like lower than dirt. Okay, enough rambling. I don't like either which means RORY can have either since I don't like her much either. Okay, maybe I don't like the show but it has some spots. It runs a little like ED, a small time town and its miserable problems. I can't wait till Rory goes to Princeton or whatever. Yale is it? *ducks as Em throws pineapples at my head* I'm sorry Em but I really don't like it. Had you there for a second didn't I? *explains* Em like GG because she adores both Jess and Dean and can't decide between them. So I told her to go for Luke.

Since today's a quote/ranty day I've got one that I've switched to HG 7 style:

(After Cathy storms away from having a conversation with Draco, Bonnie who has just entered the room looks to Anna for an explanation)
Anna: Errr...Draco has a tendency to rub people the wrong way.
Carman (pops in): And I hear China has a sizable population.

Nyahahah! Cya soon.

M.M.W







Schnugged at 13:55 |

Okay. Last post, I promise.
Going through blog skins on all these websites. *goggles* wow! So pretty! Must have! I've found one for ALMOST everybody:

Cathy's

Note: This I think is very Cathy like. She's very practical but a deep thinker. Therefore I think this represents her personality well, she's a bit like the universe, big (as in tall) and strange and she ventures 'where no woman has gone before' and boundless (in mind not immensity). And plus she likes the stars. And...I couldn't find a good Matrix set. *sigh*

Anna's

Note: I like this blog. I wanted it for myself but I thought it a little dark. And since its too *dark* for me, why for Anna? Well, Anna at the moment is fascnated by Asian history, that and she reminds me of a garden. No she doesn't have a green thumb *rolls eyes at silly, naughty joke*, but she's strong and yet fragile at the same time like a garden. Sunny at one moment and then harsh and weedy(as in hard to grasp) at the next. You could say she's like the weather but she's not tempermental and she only does it when its necessary or urgent. Plus, isn't it pretty? And that lover's solitude creates a sort fantasy and mischief about it, which is *soooo* Anna. ^_^

Sue's

Note: I adore Sue's! Its so beautiful! Simplistic and elegant, sorta like her. All that pastel, the opaquness, and the velvety contours of the flower remind me very much of SUe. I cannot really explain it. Its just like that. I guess its also Sue because in a way she likes simplistic things, a conservatist at heart I imagine. And don't you like the pretty icons?

Alice's

Note: Alice's is simplistic like Sue's but its more eyecatching at one certain bit. Sue's has a spreadout of everything but Alice's stands out, the grey against the red. Passion against boredom. It reminds me of conflicting emotions, not hate and love because they are both passionate but repression and anger at the same time, fighting like colours (firing neurons!) on an MRI/Cat/Spet scan. Sorta reminds me of Alice, she's so conflicting sometimes. Bright one moment and then silent the next. Contemplative and then hyper. Its strange. But that blurriness around the rose, that reminds me of that hazy romantic Alice who fell in love with Mr Darcy and Gone with the Wind.

Carman's

Note: Carman's v. simplistic. Straightforward, blunt. Doesn't like to play games, which is good. ^_^ Yet, this blog I think would fit her. She doesn't need pictures or beautiful graphics. The simpler the better. She doesn't like to wade through 'shit' to get where's she's going. Now that I think it, she would make one hell of a military leader. *salutes* I love this blog. Its very professional, very business like much like Carman. But the colors and font add that touch of feminity which is part of Carman's uniquness. She's got a soft side too, although she doesn't like to show it.

Bonnie's

Note: Bonnie's all cuteness, right? Uhuh. Yes. And I would have chosen all cuteness except I don't agree with that. I chose this blog because of the blurriness of the flowers. Exactly like Alice's we have a change of pace to the picture, the blurriness is a sort of a distraction from everything. Bonnie's shows this cute side in order to hide her determined, almost 'macho' side. Unlike the others, the template is not so simple. Well, Bonnie's not a simple girl.

AHHH! Done! No wait! What about muah?

Mel's! Beware.



Schnugged at 17:40 |

Drop in the Ocean: Song and Lyrics by Michelle Branch

Love took me by the hand
Love took me by surprise
Love led me to you
And love opened up my eyes

And I was drifting away
like a drop in the ocean
And now I realize that
nothing has been as beautiful
As when I saw heaven's skies
In your eyes
In your eyes

And every time I drift away
I lose myself in you
And now I see I can be me
In everything I do

'Cause I was feeling as small
as a drop in the ocean
And now I realize that
nothing has been as beautiful
As when I saw heaven's skies
In your eyes
In your eyes

Love took me by the hand
Love took me by surprise

And I was drifting away
like a drop in the ocean
And now I've realized that
nothing has been as beautiful
As when I saw heaven's skies
In your eyes
In your eyes


This so reminds me of E. I love it. Fav song on Spirit Room.
Schnugged at 15:24 |

Is it me or do I post like three times a day? I can't help it. I post once and then a thousand more thoughts pop into my head. Mary (who is a philosopher at heart) was trying to decipher my relationship with my friends. From what I've told her (which isn't much), she thinks I'm in shit. I asked her why and she replied 'Because your bonds are so tenuous'.
And she's right. (She always is, stupid girl!) My bonds are so tenous. The question I have to ask myself is, are they really my friends? I don't think I could consider any of them as my best friend and you want to know why? Well blob (new wrd for blogger), they've got their own best friends. Sue considers Cathy and Anna her best friends. She'd NEVER consider me her best friend despite how much we talk about, how much I've told her, how much I've trusted her. And definitely not Anna, ANna probably considers Sue and Cathy her best friends. The little trio they are, they let in ALice and Bonnie and scooched aside a place for Carman at their right but I ALWAYS feel excluded. Its like I've done this unforgivable act that would never allow any of them to feel like they could trust me or be a best friend. Its strange isn't it. I have to stay with them, yes because it'd be, rude, and quite impolite to leave them. But its sickening all the time because this 'friendship' leaves me wanting more, sometime more bonded and close. Evidence of exclusion: Check photos, I've never in them. Oh okay, I don't like my photo being taken but I have such evidence. Everyone always sorts into pairs, Sue and Anna, Alice and Cathy, Carman and Bon and little ole me on the outskirts. Pah.
Of course none of them know because I couldn't tell them because a) they wouldn't listen and b) they'd just think i was being stupid or melo-dramatic.
I hate ranting. It makes me feel dirty as if I haven't washed. And its so wrong. VCE is pulling us further apart and we're all suffering. (not only me! Yay! *ahem*)

On a happier note: There's a new coffee machine at school. *dances* Ma-chi-ato!

M.M.W

Schnugged at 15:20 |

Sometimes its so quiet that no amount of noise or music I can put on, it still stays there. That dim silence that resides in my mind, waiting patiently for something. I don't know. Late at night, when everything is so quiet while I am reading there's that silence again and everything, sound, images just slows down around me as if god decided to turn off the world for a sec. And try as I might it won't go away and there's that sense of utter panic and I want to run far away, smash my head against the walls for it to go away. And I settle back trying to be calm, but its there like a fatal appartion. Trying to kill me.
Its really quiet now but its not there.


Extract: Braithwaite (My Fic)

The old matriach's lips were like fuzzy mold, brittle and pursed. They were darkest red at its tips and then from there slowly degenerated into a stressed white. They reminded Elaine of two coil's of bird shit, cement color streaked with white. Wetting her own lips with a dry tongue, she pushed past the old lady into the room. The lady's eyes followed her, under furrowed brows. Elaine pulled at her skirt unconciously, was it too high? She didn't think above the knees was too high.
"You have a very nice home," she remarked. She glanced at the lady's apparel, pearl-knit sueter, a floor length skirt of a rich grey tone. And three rings on each finger. The lady noticing Elaine's eyes on the extravagant stones, touched them each gently. She did not touch them in a self-concious way but protectively, her eyes still trained on the girl's face. She did not like Elaine. Those chocolate ball eyes were too wide, giving the girl a look of precouciousness. Her entire figure was wrong. The hips flared out and her waist too thin. The arms were gangly and rolled up into the arms of her jumper. The girl's irascible demeanour is intolerable, the woman told herself. She would not do. She certainly would not do.




Schnugged at 14:51 |

Two things:

Ames and I were discussing boys till three last night. She (not me) has discovered that all the guys I like have brown hair and blue eyes. That is very surprising. With the exception of one, its very true. Adapts to T as well. She on the other hand likes any guy who is shorter than her, but not lighter than her. Oh and he has to have one tatoo preferabley around his hip area (I told her she was vying for Elijah Wood and she freaked out!) and amazing eyes (still E.W). And my friends? They can't even talk about sex so boys are a no-no, although I must say I try.

Em made a joke two posts ago, and I just realised *quite happily* that her evil little naughty (ELN) joke was anatomically incorrect. It doesn't work the way she said, vice versa it does but no, it can't possibly work the other way. Unless...no, no. Can't work. ^_^ And plus, his name isn't Orlando Florida.

EDIT:
Commander Mel to Commodore Amelia, do you copy? Orlando Bloom has brown eyes, repeat, brown eyes. Over and Out.






Schnugged at 12:35 |

I just realised something. Why are all my posts after July 16th in italics? *goes to ponder*
Schnugged at 19:26 |

Just thinking what everyone would write if they had a blog. I guess Anna would be on about artwork and hyper stuff, I still wonder if she likes Inu Yasha. And Sue, well her books and pretty fairy airy things like bubbles and long stemmed roses, no wait that'd probably be Alice. Cathy would just talk...practical stuff although I don't know what sort of practical stuff, maybe her love for Chem. I don't know how she can like BOTH Physics and Chem. THat's just crazy. its like liking Specialist or Higher Level Math. That's freaky. She's such a nerd. *laughs* In the nice way of course. We're all nerds. Maybe me to a lesser extent. You have to be smart to be a nerd.
And Carman? I really don't know. It baffles me. I really don't know. Weird.
Now a new page on website. Extras. Created it in History when I really should have been listening. Bad me. *pats* Went down to bookshop. Its lost its touch. I only bought ONE book. How pathetic? Cool book though, all about omens and superstitions. I like the one about bubbles...now if only I could remember it. Had Badminton Training, Sue and I NEARLY won a match. I think it was like 8/12 (us being 8) but then we stopped. Note: To win badminton matches, just hit the opposing team with shuttles. It startles them.
Amelia and Jen are going to this concert on the weekend. I dunno what it is and they won't tell me. Emma really wants to go to Nimbus, but (i replyed) we're not exactly in Orlando, Florida. (just told her this). Oh yuck! Okay, I make really bad jokes but Emma just made one after I said this. Her reply: Well I'm sure you'd like to be. ^_~ ERGH! Even I do not go that far. Bad Em! *pats*
TGIF! Just had Chem tutor. Falling slowly asleep and I think she got a little miffed at me. I was soo tired. And I got sick on the car ride over...stop...start. I got advice from Ames to suck a lemon dipped in chili sauce before you go and you won't get carsick. Sorry, Ames I not going to do it. I'd rather be sick. (which I think I will be if I try that). Math Tutor tommorow. Em is laughing at me really meanily now. Ass!
That's about it. To work on my website tommorow. Bleh!






Schnugged at 19:23 |

Updated my new website. Very Parisian and fancy. Bad luck its got nothing on it. I'm so tired. I had a mini nap after my optometrist appointment, was so tired. Still am. i can't be bothered doing ANY homework. Funny thing happened today, got out of tutor group and met Katrina and Sonia by Cato and they're like "Did you get your Higher level sheet?" and I'm like "No." And we all start laughign because my own tutor group teacher is the IB coordinator and she's so mixed up that she's forgotten to give us our sheet. Okay, not so funny. Was really funny at the time though. I think we were all tired and it was fourth period Psych.
Chem was hilarious, Steph dropped copper all over my sheet and folder. Wet, runny copper. Jen and I were laughing about Suzanne and Jen kept calling her a bitch. Not bad. Oh and Steph and I traded witty repartee the entire time. Okay, so not Gilmore Girl witty but Chem witty. 5th period Chem witty. Okay, not so witty. I'll stop saying witty now.
I have fourth period off tommorow !*cheers* Awesome, dudettes. Talking to Ames and Mary earlier (on MSN) and Jen butted in, she was so hyper that we ended up leaving her in her our old conversation. Silly gal. Also found out that Ames has a friend called 'Orlando' and that he has brown hair and 'soulful eyes'. *still laughing* I want to meet him now but apparently he's like twenty. *eyes alight* Wait...a minute isn't...*calms* Nm. Trying to get in touch with Em, she's my graphics girl. Does icons, buttons, etc for me. Very talented actually. You are, Em! And I know you read this. Yes, I'm trying to get in touch with her so she can do my little website button but she's not online when she should be *whines*. I'm in a whiney mood. So sue me?
Everyone's been in a good mood lately (even Mary who's been moping about RK). Even my friends at school. Despite the fact that we're all facing another two terms of hard work and the end of Year 11, I'm freaking tired. SO tired. I can't get any sleep and I still have to do my MATH and do my hair. Urgh. *whines* My hair!!!!!!!!
My sister's stuff arrived today. Its heralding her arrival home. I have to apologise to Mary because I've been complaining to her about it for the past half hour and she's dealt with me sooo patiently I want to hug her! *schnugs Mary* Also, sorry for calling you Mariah. I think it suits you.
Have i mentioned i'm so freaking tired? We had pizza tonight and I could only eat half a slice of Mexican. How sad is that? Is it me or is my gastros-whatever shrinking? Learned so much about the anatomy of the brain today, corpus callosum, frontal lobe, Broca's area, Damasio- okay, I can't be fucked. However I am so proud of myself, I have done MOST of my Chem booklet (one section to go) and most of my Psych (two diagrams and ten questions to go). But that only means more tests are coming up. Well fuck-em, I'm ready. Bring 'em on.
*sigh* I've been waiting all day to say that. How sad. How long is this rant? Omg. its soo long! Sense has no place within here. Muaha.
Badminton early tommorow. Chem TUTOR SHIT due tommorow. Also Math and some other stuff. And hair. I better go do it all now. Cya tommorow, blog. *schnugs*

M.M.W


Schnugged at 20:40 |

In spare now. It sooo cool! I have a website now! Thanks to Half-way Gully and the dear HTML help (and constant annoyingness) of Ames (aka: Amelia, dungbeetle). *bottle is thrown at head* Okay. Fine. Nothing new to add. Just wanting to tell you to visit it! NOW! NOW! NOW! Nothing much, added a story. Ames and Mary both don't like it. Well...fuck em'. *shrieks and ducks from flying objects*

M.M.W

PS: I apologise profusely. Now stop yelling!!!
Schnugged at 11:06 |

Hmm...update.
Second day of school and I sooo tired. Got an e-mai from Psych Teacher, the Rawlings. The first words of the letter.

Dear psychos,

*starts* Other than that. I've had a good day. Got to bitch about Suzanne with two people I'd never think I'd bitch about with. Surprisingly interesting. Doesn't look like they'd forgive her though. But people today are so capricious, I wouldn't be surprised if she leeched back onto their hearts. I hope she suffers. She deserves it. Its sad but she does. And its pathetic I'm actually talking about her on my journal. Well she's a bitch anyway.

Jen told me, "You know what she said when someone asked her why she didn't make friends with Melissa anymore. Well she replied 'Why would I need too? I have my own friends." At this Jen and I snickered. She doesn't have ANY friends now. Diddums.

Didn't get to go to bookshop. Annoyed. V. Annoyed. Want books. NOW!

Other than that. So proud I finished my history and english commentary. ooo 0_0 oooh...I really should go send it. Going. Going. Gone.

Schnugged at 22:33 |