Tuesday, July 15
I think therefore I am
- Rene Descartes
I sense therefore I am
- Perfume Advertisment
In the strangest way, I agree more to the second one. I feel sometimes more alive if I can feel pain or pleasure (both at extremes oblivion) instead of that aching numbness that clamps a hold over my stomach. In thinking, I self-destruct, I want to kill myself. In sensing, I care not for things...I get them done. I am well when I sense and don't think. Another proof for my never-unproven-nor-contradicted 'ignorance is bliss'. I cry inside all the time, feeling my throat swell with fear and dehydration. Its taxing, almost exhausting and I am a slave to my ID. A great fear.
Excerpt from a fic I began a long time ago:
It was set up like an American movie production.
A clear set sky, tinted at the corners with pink and orange, blossoms at every step and the smell of freshly cut grass as the surrounding suburbs flashed by.
"Welcome to Australia, mate." Laughed the cabby.
Sombre green eyes gazed out the finger smudged windows among the darkening streets. He did not reply.
"Not much like England, mate?" the cabby turned around and smiled a toothless grin at the young English man.
"No." he replied shortly.
The cabby frowned,
"Not much of a talker, are ya?"
Sunlight drenched through the faery floss clouds flitted across his face making the cabby look back to the sudden build up of traffic on the main road.
"All righ then." said the cabby, tapping his cap and turning around again. For the rest of the cab ride he kept silent.
He'd had many strange fares but this was the strangest yet. Picked him up at Flinders Station, rain pouring over the man's all ready wet business suit. The man had said nothing except teh palce he'd wanted to go. The he'd opened a small bag and taken out a feather quill - the cabby chuckled - a quill? Who did he think he was? Shakespeare? He'd scribbled somethign down on a piece of paper and put it all back into his bag and gazed out the cabby window.
"We're here." the cabby twisted around in his seat but found the money on the man's seat and the man gone. The car door left open.
"Strange one, that is." said the cabby to himself before closing his door and driving off.
