Saturday, July 19
Is it me or do I post like three times a day? I can't help it. I post once and then a thousand more thoughts pop into my head. Mary (who is a philosopher at heart) was trying to decipher my relationship with my friends. From what I've told her (which isn't much), she thinks I'm in shit. I asked her why and she replied 'Because your bonds are so tenuous'.
And she's right. (She always is, stupid girl!) My bonds are so tenous. The question I have to ask myself is, are they really my friends? I don't think I could consider any of them as my best friend and you want to know why? Well blob (new wrd for blogger), they've got their own best friends. Sue considers Cathy and Anna her best friends. She'd NEVER consider me her best friend despite how much we talk about, how much I've told her, how much I've trusted her. And definitely not Anna, ANna probably considers Sue and Cathy her best friends. The little trio they are, they let in ALice and Bonnie and scooched aside a place for Carman at their right but I ALWAYS feel excluded. Its like I've done this unforgivable act that would never allow any of them to feel like they could trust me or be a best friend. Its strange isn't it. I have to stay with them, yes because it'd be, rude, and quite impolite to leave them. But its sickening all the time because this 'friendship' leaves me wanting more, sometime more bonded and close. Evidence of exclusion: Check photos, I've never in them. Oh okay, I don't like my photo being taken but I have such evidence. Everyone always sorts into pairs, Sue and Anna, Alice and Cathy, Carman and Bon and little ole me on the outskirts. Pah.
Of course none of them know because I couldn't tell them because a) they wouldn't listen and b) they'd just think i was being stupid or melo-dramatic.
I hate ranting. It makes me feel dirty as if I haven't washed. And its so wrong. VCE is pulling us further apart and we're all suffering. (not only me! Yay! *ahem*)
On a happier note: There's a new coffee machine at school. *dances* Ma-chi-ato!
M.M.W
