Tuesday, August 12
I feel so lacklustre. Dull. Tones of monochrome and shiny darkness. Its not that I'm depressed, its just that I feel I lack colour. Don't worry, I haven't turned Pleasantville yet. I just feel so detached sometimes, so far-fetched that I feel this great careening abyss before me whenever I attempt some action or deed. For example: Maths test tommorow and I'm so fucked. I totally forgot about it. Not to mention, I am so not prepared. My computer's fucked at the moment. I was supposed to have cake for dessert...stared at it for a full five minutes, watching all that custard dripping about it like some insidious vomity goo and I nearly up-chucked. I mean sick like a bulimic who feels pleasure at purging. Except I'm not skinny and anny.
Last Buffy ep on tonight and that makes me sad. Its always sad when something ends. I even felt sad with Ally ended and I barely even watched that show. It was just a reflection of another part of my childhood ending, well not ending but heralding more-like, the end of my childhood.
If you haven't noticed, friends of MMW's blog, I've changed the fucking template. I abhor my old one, it just reminded me of facades I see everday in me, in everyone else. Those fucking ugly facades that make me bite my lip when I say something wrong, or see people tense up their faces when they've hit a raw spot. I hate so many people, maybe because I see a reflection of them in me. Although, its tiring hating the people I hate. I hate Suzanne, yes but sometimes I get so sick of my hate I just want to ask her to pass the bloody copper in Chem(probably freak her out and irritate Jen at the same time) instead of standing right in front of it, or asking her to duck when Mrs Jarrett writes something low on the board so I don't have to lean over Steph and then bob sideways so Karen's head doesn't get in the way. She watches me sometimes, its eerie. She turns around, asks Steph for something, I'm bent over my note writing away and while Steph gets it she looks at me. I know because I've caught her doing it like five times now. What the fuck is she doing? She's not glaring at me, only looking at me peculiarly as if I've got a fairy stuck in my hair. What is with people these days?
M.M.W
