Monday, December 29
Current Mood:
Irate.
Current Music: Smack my bitch up - Prodigy
Top 10 Things To do At the Mall
1) At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!" (Done)
2)Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke
3)Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
Top 10 Things to do During An interview
1)Candidate dozed off during interview
2) Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions
3) Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer
4)Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico
How to get rid of Telemarketers
1)Say to the Telemarketer, "Sorry, I can't talk right now but if you'd just give me your home phone number I'll call you when I'm not as busy. When they say in a flustered way that they can't give out their home number say, "Oh, I see...you don't want strangers calling you at your home! Now you know how I feel."
2)Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up.
3)Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Mantermills." You: "Mantermills!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."
4)Say, "No", repeatedly. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
Ways to Freak out a Friend/Roomate
1)Smoke ballpoint pens.
2)Smile -- All the time.
3)Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
4)Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door
Church Bulletin Mistakes
1)Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
2)For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs
3)The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience
Hehehehe.
