Monday, January 5
Am being post whore. Read on. Have not mentioned TTSLN...ha, Mary. Week nearly over...well almost.
i have commitment issues
When I was little, I assumed I would get married and have kids like every woman around me had. For years I've been questioning having kids, but I've still always thought I wanted to be married eventually. But lately I've been unsure about that assumption as well. It's too much pressure, too much togetherness and foreverness for a girl who gets bitchy without her alone time, who gets antsy after a year in one apartment, who has yet to find anyone, even her best friend of 10 years, to whom she will tell absolutely everything.
I can't stand to have anyone truly depend on me. If you want to push me away, needing me is the sure fire way to do so. I want you to want me, yes. But I don't want you to need me. And of course I can't have kids with an attitude like this. If my cats get too clingy, I yell at them—imagine how I'd fuck up a child. But can I have marriage with this attitude, without dependency? Can I find someone who will let me need him without needing me in return?
Maybe I should think outside the box, have multiple men in my life. One to have sex with, one who loves me, one to have great conversation with, one who can fix my car, and so on. Then again, maybe that's an avoidance technique. Maybe I need therapy instead. Maybe I can find a cute therapist and solve all my problems at once.
God I love this. Its so true. Sometimes I keep thinking that I'll end up spinisterly and alone but if I'm rich I can surround myself with pretty young boys (and if we're far enough in the future, maybe carbon copys of the TTSLN! Yumness!) Muah.
Where did I get this? Go visit.
M.M.W
