I don't feel like doing much of anything recently. Call it apathy, whatever. I can't even be bothered doing an official blog entry, with the snazzy mood which I made myself and the little blinkie quotes and the various icons. Yeah, my blog has gotten an html-fresher. But am I? My sisters says I should have a little guaranna. I wish I was guaranna.

Today, my parents left for Malaysia, leaving me to fend for myself in this very warm house in which mom did NOT leave me a spare set of keys, which means I cannot open any of the windows. And it just my luck, given it started cooling off today before the periodic sheets of rain and darkening clouds while I lived in my yesterday-heated rooms. I mean, sure, I can't complain like Cathy but fuck it, I wish I had an enormous vacumm to just erase all this air.

Also recieved some terrible news and now waiting for mom to call (she gets in about 11 or so) before I can tell her it. Its about my Aunty Sui and Uncle Ang and their daughter, who got into an accident in Malaysia. Uncle Ang died and my Aunty Sui and her daughter are in hospital. Its terrible that I don't remember them at all, although apparently I knew them as a child. That also meant I got frequent calls from several of my autnies, all whom I have no recollection of meeting although they do (Them: Yes. You were a cute little thing when we met. Me: Uh...yeah, sure, Aunty Christine.) Even one of them came to the house and after relating the news to my sister and I, she prompted me quite rudely about my score, starting off with 'You're Melissa aren't you? What did you get?' Argh. I was going to wring her neck. Nasty rude bitch.

If you don't know, many Asian parents are very competitive. They want their daughters to be top of their class, so they can brag about them to their respective 'friends'. It gets pretty ugly. I got out of this one with my 'I so didn't deserve that' score, and my great degree (I didn't tell her the uni) while her own daughter only just got into Commerce at Newcastle. Hah. Hehehe, you shoulda seen her face. That, and later when we left, she was still in her car (her daughter was visiting some friends down the road) and stared at us as we went past for groceries. Scary lady. Scary.

Saw Dodgeball again. Silly movie. Wasn't as funny as I remembered although pirates aren't all that great. I liked the gags though with Stiller, who kept on laughing every time he said "Freaky Nasty!" in that funny way he does. He's great, except I've seen that character before in 'Fat Camp' except he played that even nasty, especially when he was swinging over a cliff. Scary shit.

Anyway, that's enough from this pseudo post. Sleepover in a day, so I have to kinda clean up my room and finish my chores. Its gonna be kinda hard, especially as my sister and I are going to Chadstone tommorow (she's trying to allieviate my boredom!). Tah.

~ M.M.W ~
Schnugged at 23:00 |

Current Mood: Retrospective
Current Music: Sarah McLachlan - Dear God

Gah. It is soooo hot today. I just sank onto teh couch and managed to avoid people. Quite well. Until my sister dragged me outside for a walk. Was soaking sweat when I came back. Gah. I just can't stand the heat. Cannot. Full stop. Even now, I'm sitting in front of a fan EVEN with the air con going. I hate being hot. Almost as much as I hate being cold. I've had this discussion with Sue. I rather like days that are shiny but have cool, blissful winds. Beautiful things that only happen once or twice a year. *sigh* And I was doing exams while they were on. For fucks sake.

~
Draco: Its Meme time!

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

May four hundred, three hundred songs. About a gig? Can't be bothered finding. Bad thing is, I'm sick of ALL my music. Sick. Sick. Sick.

2. The CD you last bought is:

Garden State. Though in a week say, it will be Phantom of the Opera. Woo.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?

Shake, Shake, Shanke, Senora - Harry Belafonte (OST Beetlejuice)

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:

Zero Seven - In The Waiting Line
Frou Frou - Let Go
Theme - Phantom of the Opera (Oh, let's dig those eighties electric guitars! Razz.)
Tuesday Morning - Michelle Branch
Precious Things - Tori Amos

~

My sister has officially put me on a diet. Woo. Except, its very medical and everything and I have to take twelve pills a day. Oh, I know, sounds shocking doesn' it? So reminds me of Requiem of a Dream, with Ellen Burstyn's "Purple in the morning, blue in the afternoon, and orange in the evening. Just like that, one, two, three, four.". Scary shit. Anyway, this is not so bad, it just helps me curb my appetite, supplies me with extra vitamins and what not so I can eat less without actually missing or not resupplying my body with those precious vitamins. I can actually miss two meals. It also gives me more energy (Product called N-R-G, how funny) etc. Its all very herbal and stuff, plus I have this weird tasting powder (apparently dutch chocolate) that I can mix in my drinks to help boost stuff. My sister's been on it for ages and she's so fricking thin it hurts my head. Especially when I'm considered the fat sister. Gah. Anyway, I'm gonna try it for a month even though I've actually lost four kilos in the last week or so. I think that's because all I ate for three days was kiwis. Heheheh. Yeah, okay. Bad me. *sigh* I have to go take my pills again. At least they're not like those other pills Alice made so much fun of. You know sometimes, I think she irritates me on purpose. She does it a lot and I don't know why.

~

More Memeing: You know I want to.

Name a CD you own that you think no-one else has.
Any of my mixes count? Many of my Anime albums. Perhaps Doubleday.

Name a book you own that you think no-one else on your friends list does.
Batouskai or something like that. Its a Japanese fable book I bought in the second hand bookstore. Strange at times but quite good.

Name a movie you own on DVD/VHS/whatever that you think no-one else on your friends list does.
Well, definitely the Weiss Kreuz concert DVD. *hangs head in shame* I know.

Name a place that you have visited that you think no-one else on your friends list has.
Well, if I'm putting Ames and Petrie into the bargain...its not a lot of places. Um...probably Houston or Pompeii.

~

Gah. Okay this is sooooooooooo totally weird. And it relates to me. Okay, Em, shut up.

Em: What? I was just gonna ask if this is Orlando Bloom news.
Me: It isn't.
Em/Mary: *horrified gasps*
Me: Oh for goodness sake!

It isn't. I just...am shocked. Shoc-ked. I mean, sometimes I wonder if I ever had my past. Like, sometimes I just completely forget that I had a life before Australia, that I KNEW people. And sometimes its just weird. Well, okay its' not when I'm actually checking it up and expect something, but when I hear that most of these people have moved or something, I just expect that my old school ACS has no one left in it. I mean, when I hear one of their names, I sit up and take notice becase it floods me with all these memories. Sue and Anna and Cathy are so awkward when they see people from primary school but these people to me, aren't from primary school...they're part of me too.

Anyway, I was checking up on ACS's news, considering that this is their last year before they head out of school and I was a bit retro at teh moment (check mood) and I came across something, of couse not really expecting to:

A select group of Dance team members participated in their first competition on February 22nd in Bath. The four captains plus Alero Nanna, Haley Bryant, and Amy Minnehan placed well in the Senior Dance Division of the Western Cheer and Dance Competition sponsored by the British Cheerleading Association.

Gah. Alero? Alero? She's still there. I was such a *bitch* to her. I swear to god, I was. I mean, she was nice and all but I had my own friends and you know me, I was sooo Diana-like towards her. Cause no one else really liked her and she such a suck-up to the 'cool' crowd, which I had been but you know me, I pulled out and got my own friends. Not all of them nice but I got the best group in the end. However... when the upset happened at the dance (perhaps the other biggest regret after Harry) she sat with me in the bathroom the whole time. Which was nice. Except I totally stabbed her in the back, when Harry asked me to dance and I refused, but then I heard he had asked Alero and I took it back. Gah. I was sooo teh_bitch.

Mary: I am shocked...and appalled.
Me: I know.
Em: But we still luff you! *schnugs*
Me: Really?

No, really? I mean, I've done some reallly bitch things in my life. REALLY. But then again, some things have been done to me that are unforgivable and not all of those were in American and England. And not all of those people did I consider my enemies or not my friends. *sigh* At least I resent and unforgive myself for those things and my regret is apparent. Sometimes I look at those people (okay, one in particular) and I wonder if underneath it all, they're just a fucking, coninving bitch who is only out to get me. Hah. Paranoia city. But just as my all-wise History teacher says: "Just cause you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you." True. True. True.

The other thing that caught my attention was the fact that Jacob Maccoby was still at ACS. I mean, I didn't doubt this since his mother, I can't believe I remember this, is such a fucking suck up. She's one of those ambitious mothers who heads the PTA and donates whole wings. Anyway, this year, she once again directed the big stage play as she did when I was there, giving Jacob and his friends (Harry) huge parts, like Mayor of the Munchkin City during the Wizard of Oz which was huge for a fifth grader and his sister (whom I've forgotten the name of) got Dorothy. Oh for god's sake.

Oh...and this may be very wrong, but the guys on teh varsity swim squad are actually kinda hot. Yeah...okay, its wrong. I just can't decipher why.

~

An excerpt from messenger chat with Sue, which I personally think is very funny: You can probably tell who is who, but I'm Snow Cherries and Sue is 'Miss'. Enjoy.

miss a gay tori amos fan?
miss unlikely
snow cherries very rare
miss yeah
snow cherries like an albino in an african tribe
miss uh-huh
snow cherries or a tan hottie at computer camp
miss oh alright
snow cherries or someone cool in our group
miss okay stop it
snow cherries hahahaha!!!!!!!!
miss and that includes you
miss meanie.

~

Enrolment tommorow. Dun Dun Dun. And parents leave on Friday. Woot. Woot. Woot. So that leaves me ages to organise party. Hmm...I have to call people. Can I be bothered? Nope. Do I even want this sleepover? Not really. Right now, I think I'd rather a nice night with Ying and Sarah, playing Sims and just laughing. Is it a big problem if I find it to be such an effort to go out with my friends? Well, I think it is. There's...just so much between us now that I don't know...hmm....maybe I'll be better after tommorow. Who knows? Gah. I hope Comm/Law Melbourne isn't just full of boys cause that would kill me. Right now. Kill me.

~ M.M.W who goes to face her destiny...far far far far away ~



Schnugged at 22:17 |

Current Mood: Weird
Current Music: Wedding Day At Troldhaugen - Grieg (Its sooo happy, I'm sick.)

Meme-time, babe. (That and I don't have any lyrics to post. That's the one bad thing about classical...that and after a while it gives me a headache.)

1) First Grade Teacher: As in Grade One?: Mrs Lloyd. She has her own website now here.
2) Last word you said: Yes.
3) Last song you sang: "Nniiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttt!" (Okay, I'll stop, I promise, Em!)
4) Last person you hugged: Mum.
5) Last thing you laughed at: Karen going out to suntan for like two minutes.
6) Last time you said ’I love you’: My moosey.
7) Last time you cried: The night before my results came out.
8) What’s in your CD player: The Most Romanitc Piano Album. Ahem.
9) What colour socks are you wearing: I don't WEAR socks.
10) What’s under your bed: Box of photos and various little things that manage to roll under there.
11) What time did you wake up today: 7 something. Except I went back to sleep for another eight hours like two hours later.
12) Current taste: Apple juice.
13) Current hair: Black, curly, oily. And I ONLY just washed it.
14) Current clothes: My pjamas. Red singlet top and these really cute boxers. Aww.
15) Current annoyance: At angelfire. Teh_ads is pissing me off.
16) Current longing: to go to Melbourne and do Law/whatever instead of Monash. *whimper*
17) Current desktop picture: Dad is really strict about our background image. I don't know why. But if I had to choose, then possibly something O.B. like or just a really pretty, nice picture. I'm so iccony lately though.
18) Current worry: Enrolment, have I don't everything yet?
19) Current hate: Being fat-ish, not getting a high enough score, not doing my preferences properly. Gah.
20) Story behind your LJ username: Chibihaneko was circa Jap phase and it means pretty flower cat, which I thought was cute at the same time. Angel_Iris was just something I made up on the spot.
21) Current favourite article of clothing: My Victim of Pleasure shirt or my green skirt.
22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex/same sex: Smile. And well...that other thing.
23) Last CD that you bought: Well, bought for me, Garden State. Will buy soon, POTO.
24) Favourite place to be: My bed, when I'm not all sweaty like today.
25) Least favourite place: At Monash. (I'm soo going to take that back in a few days!)
26) Time you wake up in the morning: About 2 in the afternoon.
27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: The violin, guitar, drums or piano.
28) Favourite color: Pink. I hate to say it.
29) Do you believe in an afterlife: Why yes, I do.
30) How tall are you: Pretty tall.
31) Current favourite word/saying: "The Angel of Music told me too..." Really eerie voice.
32) Favourite book: Okay, hard one. The BlackAdder book.
33) Favourite season: Autumn or spring. I'm not into the extremes. *swelters*
34) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Harry, David or Justine. Or Kelly or Andrea or Nancy. Or Sarah or Annie or the other Andrea. Gah. Or Kyle.
35) Favorite day: Friday Night.
36) Where do you want to go: Back to the U.S. and England.
37) What is your career going to be like: Happy, hopefully. And fufilling.
38) How many kids do you want: Two, maybe three. But at least one of them has to be adopted.
39) What kind of car will you have: I think an Echo or something like my sisters. Hopefully a mini. I weally weally want one.
40) Type a line you remember from any book: "Put one foot in front of the other and then the other foot in front of the other...I'll let you decide which foot."
41) A random lyric: I touch you once, I touch you twice, I won't let go at any price, I need you now, like I need you then, you always said we'd meet again someday - If You Leave, Nada Surf
42) Identify some things surrounding your computer: David Edding's Enchanters' End Game, Box of Tissue, O.C. Volume 2 CD, Monash Uni Enrolment Dates and Times and a Calculator.

~

Gah. Angelfire is driving me bonkers. I can't put a page without a huge ad plastering itself across my beautiful pictures and writing. *hits computer* I have you Angelfire. Hate. Hate. Hate. Although it is better than Geocities. Ew. I hate that word. At least angelfire has 'angel' in it, although that should be obvious. Instead, I'm trying freewebs, which has a terrible name but hell, it got no ads and is working okay, except I can't multi upload. But well...if its only for this part of my site, I don't really mind too much. But I do have to work around this prolem. I need an income bad.

On the good side, I have 51 comments from my very old lj POTO post. Wow! And its still going. I get at least one day which is soo teh_coolies. That reminds me. Back to site. *sigh*

~

I need to get out. It is soooo hot today though. That and I need to call teh_Sarah and teh_Ying to confirm the 1st and I need then to call everyone else to confirm the 30th. Gah. I have a hectic week coming up and mum's urging me to go out there and get a job. Well I have to start steeling myself for loads of rejection. Closer is coming out this week, I must remember to put that on the DVD list, REMEBER! REMEMBER !*hypnosis waggle* Yeah, okay, no. Story Site almost done. Its kinda weird though. I can't get onto it at the moment, no matter what I do. And its freaking me out. Gah. Gah. Gagagag. Anyway, off to work again.

~ M.M.W ~
Schnugged at 18:42 |

Current Mood: Improvising
Current Music: Snow Cherries From France - Tori Amos

I knew a boy who would
Not share his bike
Oh but he let me go sailing
I swore that I
Could survive any storm
Oh then he let me go

~

Am gorging myself on books at the moment. And movies too. Rewatched the Spanish Apartment last night and actually finished it, unlike in Espanol class. *sigh* Anyway, I can't believe it just ended there. That was just so...fizzle. Anyway, the two books I am reading at the moment are, Le Phantome of ze Opera and Bergdorf Blondes and I have enjoyed both immensely.




Hmm...as books go. This is just an enormous piece of fluff in which a writer for a top fashion magazine, only referred to as "Moi" in her 'fluent' french experiences, thinks and whines about her life. Yeah, doesn't really seem appealing? But what is underneath all that fluffy, if you dare to look, is enormous witt and some great laughs. Although the ending was too cliche, even for me, I'd have to say it was enormously amusing to see "Moi" texting Julie Bergdorf, her rich heiress friend while her boyfriend/fiance was making a trip to Brazil. Along the ride there are trips to Spain with Spanish Princes, charities (sorry, benefits), flights and misflights on PJ's (private plane, not pyjamas, darlings) and the constant search for the PH (not chemistry, the propspective husband). Its only three hundred pages and sometimes a girl like me needs a book of nothing but name dropping, biting and ironic wit and hilarious only-inside knowledge especially between classics like...
Heh. That and there were just two pieces/quotage in that book that had me cacking myself at like four in the morning. I think I woke my mom up too. Hold on.

1.Okay so 'Moi's car has just given up on itself and she's stranded on some dirty English countryside lane in Manolos and a very nice dress. Along comes this very good looking boy whom she has some rather nice choice comments about:
"A'right there?" said the boy.
God he was cute. He had dark curly hair and was wearing a red T-shirt, muddy jeans and old hiking boots. He was totally giving Orlando Bloom. My Kelly Osbourne huff huff disappeared immediately, you can imagine...Orlando-whose real name was Dave, but I prefer to think of him as Orlando...

2. Julie, the rich heiress, has just found out about the tiff between the countess and Moi's 'Mummy' and also about Charlie's little secret:
"I feel like I'm in an episode of the Forsythe Saga!" said Julie, enthralled by the drama.

Could not stop laughing. Those two bits are just sooooo me. Hehehehe.


~

Hehehehe. Funniest thing happened, and here I was thinking I was sooo totally over Poto. (Wee...I get it next week! WOO! *does a dance* I mean...ahem. Sooo over it.) Well, I was listening to mum's "The MOST romantic piano album in the world ever!", to piano pieces which for later reference, you CANNOT sing to, only hum like some of my favourites, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Liszt's Liebestraum No. 3 in A Flat, Chopin's Etude in E 'Tristesse' and of course also his 'Nocturne', my personal favourite for a very, very, very long time. Anyway, I was up to about Track 16 and thinking, hmmm...I know this piece. But I have this competition with myself where I'll guess it before I look on the back of the CD. So I sat there thinking for ages while the music played and then suddenly I found myself humming to it:
"hum, hmmm...music of the night..da dun da dun...wait, what?"

Of course, being me. I flipped out and went, no way, this cannot be POTO (Phantom of the Opera, stop it Em!). But I kept singing etc so it had to be and I flipped the cover and wah la, it is Lloyd' Webber's The Music of the Night, not the best rendition because hey, you don't have Brightman or Crawford (or even Rossum and Butler) but hey, I was singing to it and I recognised it. Anyway, got another laugh. Thank you Poto.

~

Hehehe. Off to listen to Tori Amos again. Need to angst it out with 'Me and A Gun'. Well, don't tell Sue. No need to, really. Big schnugs to y'all. Ciao.

~ M.M.W ~

PS: "Dun da dun...the music of the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"



Schnugged at 14:51 |

Current Mood: Woeful
Current Music: Fair - Remy Zero



I've made over 200 icons. Is that scary or what? And in celebration. Icon!

~

I apologise for my mood in the previous post. I had just read DV 15 and was starkly morbid. It was unusual in the least for me to make my thank you's empty, effortless vases of indifference. I felt strangely affected thinking about them afterwards and I have to say, that no matter any year, despite how much I love and want to re-experience Year 8, no year, especially those more recent, has been without fears, trepidations, pet hates and annoyances about my friends. Sometimes I've had to bear more pain than I think the others have, not only because of them but because they don't know or don't care enough to commiserate and ponder it again and again. Sometimes I feel like I question things too much and this is why I am so unhappy, why I experience days of extreme depression. There is however, a strange ray of hope in me that never once gave up during those extreme times, whether they were in Year 11 and 12, going over work and doing exams or in Year 6, wondering if Tom will ever love me (God, I sound so Ginny) or regretting my decision over Harry. I re-experience the pain and sometimes its grown, perhaps lapsed into more extreme regret or dulled down by memory loss and indifference.

Sometimes I'm glad I don't remember well. I mean, hell, that didn't work so well for exams, but there are memories there, that lie locked for years and its only a sharp smell, a small object or even a striking location that makes me remember in such clarity the little pains and flinches life has poked me with. Mostly embarassments really, things I flinch when I think of. So I forget. Or dream. Dreaming helps actually, it helps me remember things that never happened, but if they had, they would make excellent memories to ponder over for years. Once, I even half-convinced myself that a dream of mine had been an actual memory. Its strange and saddening at the same time. And I wonder...what if. What if I had kept Justine and the guys, what if I had said yes to Harry, what if I had sat next to Steph and not Alice, what if I had told Kyle, what if I had never moved...what if I had actually gone through with it that time under the desk...

See what I mean? I question things way too much. But the terrible thing is, I can nevr just accept. Just like I can't accept me going to Monash, or the unfairness of Anna's offer, or my sometimes insufferable treatment at the hands of my friends. Is it possible that I would rather stay with my family then go hang out with my friends? Sometimes I feel like that. Like there is so much between us, so much keeping us apart that I could never feel for them or reach out again. I feel selfish for wanting the appreciation, the credit and their love. Because they have never offered it, perhaps they have...I don't know. I've never known really.

Jesus, this is lapsing into nonsensical rant again. I do this so often in my head, its just amazing to get it out on paper. I blame it on the somewhat cliched dribble of DV 15. While it is cliched dribble, I can't help but feel affected by characters I have drifted with for four years and so on. I guess in a way, I love the DV trilogy, I love the characters and I am always in awe of her writing, despite its crapness this time round. I always am. And isn't that just typical-me...apparently, well according to Alice's late night chats, I have bad taste in movies(POTO) and fashion(Elie Saab and Charlize Theron). Please. I beg to differ.

~

I have drifted to capping magazine photos. I even have a list of people I want to cap. I'm trying to get through them. Right now, I'm experimenting and am iconning Alexis Bledel quite a bit. I do want to do a bit more of Nicole Kidman. She photographs excellently and muchily. Ah, the beauty illuminated. I think I like to icon her, Cate Blanchett and Alexis Bledel. And the photos I love to icon from are from big fashion mags like Vanity Fair, Vogue etc or smaller stuff like Flaunt. Oh, Flaunt! *giggles*

~

My story site is nearly up. Its got its own site too. The download links aren't working, which is worrying me. I thought it was bandwith but its not, thank god. *sigh* Htmling is such a poo sometimes. That, and I wish Sue and Anna would update their site. Its been since 2003. And they both have dolls. And fiction. Gah. GUYS!!!
But yes, my site is still up and running. My story site should be up by the end of Jan and the rest should be done by March. All my photos and stuff I'm just gonna get scanned by the photo dudes rather than printing them out. I like them up on the web much more than in my closed photo album at home. *sigh* Wah. I want a digi-cam. Or a digi-mon. Doesn't matter which. Thanks.


~

Enough me ranting. Bowling next week, although I think we should go Sunday. And am still waiting for people to confirm. Also, going out with Sarah and Ying, hopefully to celebrate our passing the Drivers Liscense thing and also they're coming over on the 1st, after my friends have left so we can have our own little sleepover. My little combining workshop didn't quite work as well as I thought on offers night. *sigh* Well, I like them seperate anyway. Fun to be had. I've never had a sleepover before. Well I've organised everything, food and drink are to be paid by me, including any left over (alcohol maybe) from Karen's night. We're going to sleep out in the front room, so no spilling and there are two couches for sleeping. Then again, I thought we were going out...but I don't know what we can go out and do...we are soooo uncool. Although late night bowling would be fun, with a late night dinner and a walk on the Crown boulevard would be nice. We could dress up and stuff. Ooooh, fun. Well, I dunno. Hopefully, something. Anyway, night. I luff you all.

Ames: Thanks for the thankyou!meme.
Me: It was not a meme! It was my little yearly gift to you guys.
Em: It was sooo adorable! *schnugs*
Me: *schnugs back*
Mary: *group schnugs*
Me: *group schnugs*
Em: *group schnugs*
Ames: Oh jeez...
Me: *taps foot expectantly*
Ames: Fine. *over schnugs group*
Me/Em/Mary: yaayayayya!

~ M.M.W ~
Schnugged at 01:01 |

Current Mood: Quizzical
Current Music: Snow Patrol - Run

Mmmm...remind me later to make more moods. I'm running out of ones I really like. *sigh* And there are soooo many movies I can moods out of, I just can't think of the mood. Maybe I should pick themes, make 100 or so moods and then mix. Interesting.

~

So I decided to do that little piece of garbage I had forgotten to do on Pre-New Years. You know that 'I thank thee for being nice to me...hee hee hee' crap. Well so here goes. (Combined with my great and all talented graphical skill! Wee!)




This year has been really tough. It was my last year of school and here I am, January 20th, 2005, and still not over it. Despite the end of year trip, despite all the countless farewells at school (Speech Night, Last Day, Valedictorian Lunch etc) and teh!exams. Dun Dun Dun. But also, because I lost a few friends along the way. Petrie, MV and Jen still keep in touch but not like they used to. Ever since the thing happened, she's lost touch because her real life, away from her keyboard and anime delights has kept her quite busy. What I can say is that she is happier, much more, she's still with her boyfriend and stuff with her parents have settled and hopefully stay put. But with the business and stuff, she's still going with that and has barely any time to be on the net, let alone chat for four hours like she used to. Its sad, but I'm happy for her if she's happy. I love her all the still and she still keeps e-mailing about how she's doing, how much she misses us and wishes us all the best. I guess, if anything, I won't regret what happened because like this year, I've been kept busy too. The same thing has happened to MV except instead its university that's crept up and kept her going with a new job and lots more work. She does keep in touch though and I have actually chatted to her quite a few times. I think its just that she's so much older and trying to move on with her life. However, she has never acted like she was so much so the superior chicka and that taking care of us littlies was inflicted upon her by A'mes. I love her still too, and can't imagine the last few years without her.
Petrie? Well, Petrie has been suffering from anorexia for the past year and has been continually medicated for a while, which isn't that shocking given her condition and so has been internetless for a while. She's a wee Year 10, but a shockingly intelligent one and she's not missing that much, which I'm quite sure she can catch up on. (God I feel old!) She's been back on the internet lately, she moved back home two months ago and has been keeping up regular contact. I'm glad she's back, I'm just still worried about her. Em won't go into detail but I KNOW you're still worried she'll go into relapse. But I think we're all underestimating her. I just have to say, that while MSN sometimes feel so distanced, I don't know, one thing I have to be thankful for is the fact that sometimes I'm glad I can speak to people I don't know and see personally every day. Its a strange thing to say, but extremely comforting. Extremely.

So explanations out of the way. Let's get to the real thank yous.

Oh, Mary. You were my madonna, my saviour. The one. The virgin. You always blushed or at least *blushed* when A'mes or I said something terribly naughty. Yet you were always the peacemaker and sometimes co-conspirator and rarely the accomplice to some of us. I miss you're multitasking but always good ways. They always inspired me to be the gemini of you're heart. Thank you, especially this year, for dealing with all my temper tantrums and outbursts genially and with your multi-layered wisdom, in particular "Be the bean, Mel.". That I know, will stay with me forever. Hehehehe. Luff you, fool.

Darling Emmy, without you there would be no fuckwits. Still, I can't believe you came up with that. Its soo not you. You're so normal, so obliging. So perfectly attuned to our needs. Especially when those needs are a) cooking tips b)computer stuff or c)icon making. No A'mes! You don't boil water, you have to stick it in the oven first! I'll always remember how the great and beautiful fell for it. Hehehehe. You'd be my right arm if I was an evil mastermind, telling me how and what to do. To organise my soldiers in neat, straight lines, which you would make neat by actually going out on the battle field and making them neat...hm, maybe I should become one just to see that. I missed you a lot this year, when we didn't get to talk. I promise I'll try harder to come to meetings. *schnugs* Always the schnugly one.

Oh A'mes, babe, I really don't know what to say. You have been one of the best friends I have ever had. No, really. Sure, you were rude, crude and sometimes so painfully cruel but I could always tell through all that facade you actually did care about me and that matters more than anything else. Sometimes with my other friends, they can be so nice, so caring, but in the end, I have to question whether they are able or want to make that extra effort to help, to prove that they really do care for what happens to me. You always did. It could be three in the morning, but you'll still have another look at my essay to make sure that it was good, that it was perfect. I was so happy about that. And I wanted you to know, that you always made me laugh. Sometimes, I find in a lot of my friendships, I'm the 'funny one', not the 'nice one' or the 'smart one' but the one people can laugh at. But here, I don't feel that, I feel between all of us, the funniness is shared, and you, you're the quick witted funny one who's so blase and rude. But so funny and intelligent and so loving and caring and I wish one day that you could know how happy and thankful you've made me for being my friend. But not in a way that I feel like I don't deserve you. You know the one thing that is so hard, it to be equal friends in a group, but I feel that all of us are here. You, me, Em and Mary, we all share special friendships but I love you all, not in the same ways, but I believe, equally. And I have never felt any different from any of you.

I suppose that's love then. Equal love. Because I don't think I could stand any relationship, whether it be a lover or a friend or a family emmber, where the love wasn't equal, whether I be the recieve of less or more. I guess that's why I'm so unhappy within my own friendship group, where I doubt my status among them almost as much as I believe they doubt mine. I don't think I can be happy about that. No, not ever. And that's depressing and sad. And it shouldn't be here. But that's the truth, isn't it? Its my pet hate, the unfairness of the world and the fact that people just accept it over and over again. They just roll over and give up. I couldn't live with it, couldn't stand it. Its just too painful.

And I'm just too fucking stubborn.

~


Equality. How strange. Sometimes I don't think it actually exists. It seems that no relationship or anything can ever really have equality or any sort of quality, really. Its all really down to chance or perhaps situation. Perhaps I feel equal to my friends because of our situation. I can't judge them on how they look (although I've seen picture of them) or how they truly act because I've never met them or really spent any actiony time with them. But I have talked to them for almost two years, and some of its been the deepest, most intimate, most revealing talk I've ever had and these people are just so emotionally mature and hilarious and sweet. And real. Despite how far we are from each other, they just seem real in surreal circumstances.

That, all said aside. I have to thank my HG 7 for what they have given me in the past year. They may not have supported or loved me as much as I would have liked and our relationships are too different and too unequal and unbalanced for me to see them continuing in the future, but I have to be grateful for what they have. Like I said, its like poker, its all down to fucking luck.

Sue, I know you won't read this, in fact none of them will, but if I write this down here, I'll know its here and that's enough. Sue, I want to thank you for being someone I could talk to. I mean, I can talk to other people but sometimes I just want to talk to you because you'll know what I mean when I have trouble finding the words. And of course, you'll always have the words.

Anna, well when Sue has the words, you'll have the meaning. I don't mean to say that we're on the same level, because I would be saying you were stupid, but you understand my funniness I believe more than anyone else. And we were always able to laugh, sometimes not everything else, but laughter is important in any friendship. And were close once, which gives me hope, we can be close again.

Alice, you know I just don't understand you, Alice. Sometimes I think you're so superficial, so cruel just because of Year 8 and what Sue told you. And then when we're on MSN, you're so nice and sweet and then I have hope. Nevertheless, I am quite sure you hate me. You smile, laugh, play the friend while we're out and about and then ignore me. I've counted. You've done this three times this year. So there must be something. Look I'm sorry about our past. But right now, you're making me hate you more than ever did in Year 8 and while I want us to be friends again, I don't know if soon, I'll want that anymore.

Carman, it seems so long ago that I hated you. And that time, I hated so many people. And now, I don't know what is between us, perhaps friendship but I'm still not so sure. But you know what, I think it'll be okay if we never get as close as I did hope, because somehow I've accepted the fact that we are just too different and have too much between us, to ever get there. So, you know what, right now, that's just enough for me.

Cathy I'm still torn in half about whether you are actually my friend or you aren't. I'm just never sure anymore. But you know what, I'm quite actually beyond caring. I've finished caring and making the effort to be friends with you, to not have you ashamed of me anymore because no matter what, you always will be. And me? Well, I'm done.

Bon I think its been so long that we will never be able to surpass this friendship line. Even though VCE is over, you're still the same. Everythings the same. And I think that's okay, because you've never asked for my friendship and I've never asked for yours. I think we'll just always be friends with a tentative past. And that's okay. I'm okay with that.

~

What's even more depressing is that my friendships are so closed, so accepted...by me. Oh I know. Its beyond what I thought would happen. I thought something would happen. But it hasn't. And its scared me. I love my friends but I'm loosing what I thought was my love for them and seeing them for what they are. Maybe I'm just accepting that eventually I am going to loose them and perhaps accepting them in their realism now and 'letting go' of what I all ready have will make it easier to in the end, just let go. Like torn pieces of paper on the wind. Maybe that's all we really were, pieces of the same shredded paper, flying together, just waiting for the wind to change direction and scatter us.

~ M.M.W ~


Schnugged at 15:08 |

Current Mood: In The Clouds
Current Music: In the Waiting Line - Zero 7 (OST Garden State)

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see

~

I haven't posted lyrics in a long time but I adore this song. Its rich, beautiful and dreamy/lazy. I was gonna post Leonard Cohen lyrics but well...I'm so Garden!State right now. Bye Bye POTO.

~

Mom woke me up at seven o'clock for the fourth this week. Except this time, I was actually going somewhere. We took the train into the city to go to the Tax building so I can get my TFN for my university enrolment. *sigh* I hate this. There's so much bloody work I have to do. Sometimes I believe more than I.B. Just kidding. Like that would ever be true.

Then we came home because I was bloody tired except we dropped into all these phone shops because suddenly mom wants to get me a phone. Me? Well, actually that would be good. Considering that huge fucked up upset when I went to the Open. Gah. I hate public phones. Anyway, mum wants to get me a pre-paid Nokia with a $30 top up card. So woot. Yay. I get phone. Woo.

Came back and mum left because she had to go out to lunch with another of her tea-hens, while I lounged around and watched Footballer's Wives again. I am getting so addicted to that shoe. Its usually on at nine in the morning but luckily we have digital, I know we have despite what Cathy says, and they have UK TV +2, which is like encore, two hour later screening which is awesome because then I only have to get up at eleven to watch it. Anyway, I'm all in the shock because dickhead and all around bounder Jason is dead (he fell off a roof...MURDER and drunkeness!)Um, Tanya shockingly rejected and revealed him, which sort lead to his murder...except you don't see the murder. The best I gleaned off the boards is that it was a woman. Damn. Um, Tanya is in the shits because of some side story in which these people have information on how she paid off people to work at the nursing home. Um, Chardonnay (giggles!) and her husband's mother has left with the baby because you know its spoiling their lives and everything. And ew, worst of all, the nice coach guy I kinda liked is blackmailing Freddy into having sex with him...eww, and I really liked her and Sal. Oh yeah, and Darius is an idiot.

So yeah, that's whats got me so addicted. Its so trashy and I love it. Woo. One more eppie for tommorow. Its actually coming back to regular television soon, but really late at night and as for this, I think its Season Two. EDIT: Okay, I just found out that that was the last episode and in season three, both Jason and Chardonnay are dead. Whatta? And half the cast has left. Right...okay...so?? Well that was abrupt.

Anyway, after that I started working again but got bored, so called Anna to ask if she wanted to go get a coffee. She was still taking care of Monty but we met up at the park and walked Monty for a while and then sat and talked quite a bit. Anna revealed something terrible and unfair to me and I was like 'WHAT?' because it so isn't right and I still don't understand what happened, especially with Anna's marks. A perfect 'What the...' Anyway, we ended up discussing uni and how everything's gonna change, with brief distractions of me teaching Monty to sit and shying out of his way before he bit me in half or sat on me.

It got kinda dark and cloudy so I came home and went back to work filling out all my forms and fiddling with my icons. Btw, if you haven't noticed my icon style is quite different from usual thanks to heap of these new brushes. Thank god. I was getting tired of shitty little gradients. Wargh. Yeah, that was my day. Tiring as it was, I was half an hour asleep on the couch, my sister sitting on my feet and even though she is so light, I have little bruisies there now. Genius.

~

Well. I'm off to bed. Another day without a job. *sigh* I really have to get out there. Mmm...my new revamping will be up soon. Well, I'm gonna go to bed and listen to Garden State again. Also gotta organise this 'going out late night' thing. Hopefully we can still do it. I hate choosing movies to watch, especially when most of them I've seen or don't like. As it always is. Pershaw.

~ M.M.W ~






Schnugged at 22:36 |

Current Mood: Depressed
Current Music: Dear God - Sarah McLachlan

This is like one of the most crass days of my life. Let me just recap yesterday and if I have enough energy, maybe then I can tell you why.

~

Yesterday, was really. REALLY long.

I'm not kidding.

7:15 Wake up, go back to sleep.
8:00 Actually get up. Pad around, take a shower, let mom leave the house to her badminton.
9:00 Dressed. Should be re-studying for test. Instead, lounge on couch and watch FootBaller's Wives. Doesn't want to admit its actually trashily fun. And less racy enough I can watch it around other people, unlike other shows, aka: SATC.
10:00 Freak out. Shower. Get dressed. Do hair.
11:00 Rush out of house. (Yeah, it takes me an hour!) Take the tram up and then down Camberwell and walk up to Vic Roads building.
11:25ish Spy on Ying and wave to her as she does her test. I get in the way of many people and have to present my horrifically ugly passport photo for inspection. Ich bein nein!
11:45ish Am doing test. Ying is waiting patiently outside. Test is freaking me out. Was that 200 metres or 100 meters before you turn your high beams off?
11:47ish Am giggling over question. ( A.Honk your horn to get pedestrians off the road or b. Wait patiently for them to walk across road before proceeding or c. Drive straight through them).
12:00 Have finished test. Have taken picture...not bad. Much better than Ying's grimace, what I call 'The Rage Before the Road'. We walk up to the Discount DVD shop, so she can sell her non-working DVD. She gets away with it, by four bucks.
1:00 Am at the Tennis Centre, after wandering aimlessly wondering where the hell Carman and the dudes are. Agh. Carman's phone isn't answering. I run across the road back and forth to get to the payphone. This isn't helping.
1:30 Finally find them. At Rod Laver. Not Vodafone. AGH. It is so hot and am wearing jumper and jeans. Could it be worse? We go get ice cokes (five bucks!) before heading off to watch Gauddio and Gimbelstob play.
2:00 Am sweltering. Anna, Cathy and Sue burn. I let off heat waves. Am so not into it and slowly falling asleep.
3:00 Gimbelstob lost. Poor boy. And he was putting up such a good fight. But who can win to the guy who won teh French open? Laugh when they both get really angry, one of them throws his racket down, the other yells at the umpire (That wasn't Out!). Well, its hot, I can understand. Especially when the other guy gets like no applause. Cathy continually shushes me. I get v. v. v. annoyed.
4:00 Am watching two girls play now. One is Chinese, the other I forget. Except she's much better but making lots of faults, she can't serve properly! I actually get into this one. Alice goes to sleep and Sue complains in my ear. Anna really burns even though we're sitting in the shade.
5:00 Sue, Anna and I are off to Fed Square to a) look up a restaurant and b) to wander. We get smoothies first, me, sweetly complaining that 'my smoothie' does not exist anymore and opt for an Ultra Brekki. Yum. But certainly not teh smoothie. Anna gets one too and Sue, typically, gets a tropical mango delish something. We then head to our normal bookstore and vamp, but instead it closes so we head back towards Feddie and look around for restaurants. There's Chocolate Buddha at Fed Square, Funky Fish, too expensive and this other one where the patrons glare at us. Certainly a bad atmosphere. We head over to Southbank after sitting for a minute or two (I call Ying to confirm 7:15) and we look for another restaurant. We see some Nova thing and sit again, and I venture that our 'restaurant' will be down that way. And it is, Blue Train. We head back.
7:15 Sue and I spy that people actually have their offers so we head over there. We see groups of other people we know and skillfully avoid them. We get the paper and have a look. And here it is:

~

Okay, I better stop.

I got my results and I'm not particularly happy with them. I mean, I thought the pharmacy thing could fuck it up but hell, I didn't expect this and I guess I have to be happy.

I got my second preference, Com/Law at Monash. Hecs of course. But Monash? I think my heart stopped for like a whole minute and I was completely riveted. Monash? What the fuck? And there was counsellor with his whole, "Well those two are your wish list things, things you most probably are NOT going to get into."

So what the fuck is going on? Anyway, I don't know. Its just put a terrible stress on me. No really. I got com/law at melbourne full fee, definitely but like I don't wanna got to Monash. And the problem is, dad doesn't think I can get dual fee and I am not going to PAY full fee for both especially when I've got what I've got. GAH. This is terrible.

You know this is the universes' bitter, fucked up, laughing his little ass off, irony just to annoy me just that little bit more till I jump off that bridge. Is it me or am I continually pulled away from these people? First it was Maths, then it was I.B. and now its this! THIS! THIS FUCKED UP SHIT CUNT CHOICE! Oh c'mon! Why couldn't I have just got straight com or media and communications? OMG! AGH!!!!!!

God help me. Please. Damn, and I all ready said I wouldn't want anything more. Then again, I had asked for something aboute 99. But all this god given luck, am I being selfish, or do I need just a little bit more? That, or I wake up and this has all been a dream. Puh lease.

~

Anyway, still stunned, I had to explain it to a bunch of people. Met everyone else etc. You know, it was funny, I felt all right telling Ying and Sarah what I got but then it just got weird telling everyone else, especially Cathy who just eavesdropped on this major conversation I was having with Anna which really pissed me off. Actually she was pissing me off the entire day. Even at Dinner we didn't speak, ugh. Annoyed the shit out of me.

Anywya, we didn't have dinner at Blue Train (8:30-ish, given that we were all like talking for ages around Flinders) because it was really filled so we kept going down and went into Crown to some really posh looking bar I liked. Everyone was really nice and we got this huge table. I sat at teh head of it, yay. Except I sat down the boring end. Even Sarah eventually went up to the other end. Alice and Cathy were amusing each other and Anna was listening to conversation with the others so I was stuck all by my weensy little self wishing I was home and curled up in bed. I ate very little and even less after a off mussel. Uck. I hate marinara.

After dinner, we headed out and back up. It was pretty dark but very pretty. We took more photos except I really wasn't in the mood to be smiling happily and hugging everyone so I grudgingly posed but that was about it. I'd been milling about my results over dinner and I still couldn't factor, couldn't believe it. I felt really sick actually.

Then we went to the train station, left three of our group and all got on the good Camberwell line home. We talked on the way, except I really wasn't in the mood to. I guess I really wasn't in any mood. So I laughed forcingly more than any real laughter and even my conversation was forced. I still felt sick. Anyway, we finally got back and I left more of my friends with promises of Thursday and goodbyes to my seething sister in her pjs and my worrying mom.

Although my night ended well. I watched the end of the golden globes, bits I did want to see. Especially Robin Williams' speech, "Prince, Usher, Mick Jagger etc, we know there's going to be the apocalpyse" and Orlando Bloom presenting pretty late, which means he is very important. I mean, he was like right before Nicole Kidman. Wooh. So, not bad, although I missed not seeing the dresses. Charlize's was goregous but for the overall night, definitely Uma Thurmans. Hers was...wow. I think I'm just really into teh whole Greecian thing.

~

Anyway, I've spent the whole day today busy again, even though I slept in till two because I'm so tired. My parents have stressed me out, more so than I think my exams did and I'm just so...blah. I don't even have energy to continue revamping, keeping up a convo or eating. I haven't eaten at all, only some dinner and a sushi roll. Oh and like a bucket of apple juice. Is it me or am I loosing my appetite? My sister says it happens. I've lost like three kilos. But I haven't wanted to. *sigh* What's wrong with me?

~ M.M.W ~
Schnugged at 18:42 |

Current Mood: Geeky
Current Music: Body to Body - Samantha Mumba

More Memeing. Sick of it yet? Not me. Btw, Messenger is being a piss ass. Have switched over to Yahoo.

~

1. When did you start your blog/web site?
Well, my blog I started on the 12th July 2003!! My website on the other hand...the earliest post was March 27th 2003...but I know it was earlier than that. Meh. Hey, in almost exactly six months, it will be my second anniversary. Can you believe it? Two years on this thing. Woo. I gotta celebrate.

2. Why did you start it? (Is there any specific reason?)
Not really. Actually probably through a friend of mine and Live Journal really. At first I posted nonsense and now I actually have a form, mood, music, thoughts, chats with other people, day to day events and also reviews and well...nonsense too. But also memeing. Why I started it, I guess, in order to set my thoughts down. I like re-reading over my past memories. Really address my growth or lack of, throughout this last year or so.

3. What is your blog/site generally about?
Well, read above too. Mostly myself, what happens, the pratfalls, the successes, my bitching and moaning, my sense of belief and accomplishment. Essentially me, but it doesn't fail to discuss others.

~

1. If you won the lottery, and could win as much as you wanted, how much would you take? What would you do with it?
Now I'm really going to answer this. I guess a cool hundred million pounds/American dollars would do me just fine and dandy. I'd of course, buy everything I wanted, invest half of it and let it build interest. Oh yeah, baby. I could live off that interest. Actually Sue and I calculated how much we would need to live off our interest, funny that. Um...pay off all my tuition fees at Uni, including my friends, buy houses everywhere including a huge town house where me and my friends could live and make it absolutely cool. Although no building. Donate some to charity, obviously. Um...smite all my enemies? Travel the world? Pay people to worship me? I dunno. Its a lot of money. Study whatever I want I guess, whenever I liked. Do what I want, like stay in all the time and read books, or crash the coolest parties, meet really cool and intellectual people, although I won't prove stimulating. But it'd be cool...and of course, meet O.B. and possibly 'blueboy'. That would be awesome.

2. If you could, would you want to be a professional student? Why/why not? If so, what would you study?

Omg, yes. Literature, as many languages as possible, history, law, anything arty, I guess humanities. Maybe IT too, so I could actually fix my computer once in a while. Maybe music, learn a few different instruments, perhaps learn to compose. Oooh...sports too. Omg, I'd love to be a professional student. How fun.

3. Does it take a lot of money and goods to make you happy? How much/little? Why/Why not?

I guess, in a way I think it does, but I'm kinda happy without them too. I guess, like they say in Before Sunset, what you need is the desire, the anticipation for something. I mean, if you were rich and had EVERYTHING, you'd get bored really really fast. I mean, I would love to be rich, but not massively rich. A cool fifty million would do the trick. Joking. Look, anything I could live off comfortably would be good. I mean, everyone wants some sort of form of security.

~

01. Can you remember where you were in life ten years ago? If you could travel back in time and whisper something to yourself ten years ago, what would it be?

How old would I be? Oooh...seven. Where was I? I was in the Americas. I guess, be wiser, don't be such a prat, appreciate being there because you'll be gone soon, live it up, love what you have and look forward to what you will get. All that cliched stuff. Oh, and don't drop that thing I dropped eight years ago. Oh, and don't pick a fight with that art teacher. And oh, don't make friends with that girl...and...okay, that's ore than one thing, but hey, I want to make myself have a better life, no?

02.According to the song White Rabbit, "one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small". If you were offered these pills today, which pill would you take and why?

Well that's obviously. The small one.

~

1. If you were to nominate a celebrity (or their screen character) to the Presidency, who it would it be and why?

Sean Penn. I think he's one of the smartest, most intelligent and compassionate men I've ever seen. ALthough not great looking, I would respect him, no question. Well...except for the fact that he did marry Madonna briefly. Ahem.

2. If you had a warning light on your forehead what would it warn people of if it were flashing?

Getting Bored Now. Stopped Listening. Shut the Hell Up, Would ya?

3. Scientists have discovered a way to bottle the essence of you. What does it smell like?

Newly risen bread or newly mowed grass.

~

1. Looking back on the past week, what was your favorite moment?

Getting my marks? That was good. My parents were sensationally happy. Or the picnic thing, that was good too. Or Wednesday night, late night chat with Ames, Mary, Em and Petrie. Good ole us.

2. Tell us about funny moment that had you and others laughing 'til it hurt.

When Ames, Josh and I had a discussion about wanking. It got kinda peculiar but was horribly hilarious...couldn't stop laughing for a week!!!!!!

3. What is one of your favorite childhood memories?

My last night party in England, I carved their names into my desk. We jumped around in David's pool house dancing to music, me and the girls, Andrea (Rich Frenchie), Andrea (Smart, Gym girl whose dad works with my dad), Annie (this cool reject) , Megan (my usedtohate-nowbestfriends girl) and Justine, my bestest best friend with long, lustrous blonde hair that was longer than Anna's. I used to play with in the mornings while I talked to Jacob and Harry. Ahh...those lost times. Also, reading out the stories I'd written about them in the mornings. This huge party on my last day at school. Crying that I'd lost one of my books and Tony and Jacob comforting me. Funniest? Jacob asking Justine out during class, Harry playing mediator. Tristan showing me the bee he squished in his locker. Aw, he was so proud. Playing with David in his backyard, soccer. Seeing Tom every day. Seeing Nancy. Riding in the back of Andrea's father's Porsche listening to Cher with her and David. Skidding around on the dance floor at Christina's birthday. Talkign to David, Romeo and Juliet style, my best friend lived right next door to me. Making a 'Now and Then' pact. Running to the tree every lunch time with Justine. That was all in England...In America, everyone in the grade writing their addresses in my snoopy address book. Playing on the tyres. Racing for the swings. Reciting a poem for my history teacher and in fact, second favourite teacher, Mr Hakes next to my old math teacher, whom I've forgotten the name of, but he was really cool and funny. My first grade teacher. Smoking candy cigars when Wesley had a new baby brother. God, there are so many more. I forgot all this. Sometimes I just let go and completely forget and other times, I pause in the middle of some other event and remember. And it may just come and go without any provoking, but sometimes there's a stimuli, like a scent, a word, a phrase and then I'm gone. *sigh* I'll never forget any of them. Ever.

4. Your worst memory?

You know, I've been through a lot of shit in my life. A lot. No, I'm not kidding. I've taken a lot and sometimes I can't believe I have. But I have to say, my worst, absolutely worst memory that I am still so sore about, is refusing Harry. When he asked me and then the look on his face as I said no and I was lauging too, so distracted, that I didn't care. And then he walked away. I will NEVER EVER forgive myself for that and if I ever do meet him again, I will beg his forgiveness. Because that was terrible. And stupid. The stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. Although I have to question, what kind of girlfriend would I make. A fucked up one for sure.

~ M.M.W ~

PS: Although I did dance with him at every dance. *does a little dance* Woo.


Schnugged at 01:15 |

Current Mood: Sadistic
Current Music: Let Go - Frou Frou

~

Meme: Yes. I admit it. I'm a meme!whore. Don't tell me you're not too!!

1. Are you an innie or an outie?
Innie. Outties are weird, man.

2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms?
Only jeans that make my hips look smaller. Woo.

3. Have you ever written a song?
Eight years old. Called Unfair. Pre-teenage angst.

4. Can you make change for a dollar right now?
Sure can. Check my little piggy bank (really an old earring holder box).

5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's bathroom?
Well duh!! I'm not totally without a life. Then again my past is more drama-filled than my present.

6. Have you ever smelled your own feet? honestly?
Of course! How else do you prove that you can chew off your own big toe?

7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your french fries?
Beside. If on, it gets on your fingers and ew. Sticky and smelly.

8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
Nope, although my tongue is really long. NOT Ioan Gruffud long, but long. I can roll it.

9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?
Nope. One American tradition I managed to escape.

10. Have you ever broken a mirror?
Yep. It was a small compact one though. Not big dramatic breaking of one because a) I was ugly and it broke of no accord (Snow White) or b)...I was ugly and ashamed (Some faery tales) c)...or I was ugly and singing a big song and wanted more dramatic effect (Phantom of the Opera)

11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole?
What is this quiz? Dumb and Dumbererererer?

12. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Velcro. Grrr....

13. Do you slurp your drink after its gone?
In the middle of a cinema. Yes.

14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk?
Uhuh. Mum likes telling me not to. But I do it anyway. Grr. Rebel. With a pathetic cause.

15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper?
A Big Mac. According to Sarah, who knows all about the meat at Hungry Jacks and MacDonalds, Hungry Jack's burger meat is dryer because of some storage thing. I forgot.

16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
Uh. Like no, babe.

17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?
I know its bad, but I miss the paper bags. Now we usually store everything in our English Sainsburys Tubs. Cute.

18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza.
False. I hate steak. I am THIS CLOSE to becoming a vegetarian. There's something about all that meat that is so...deappetising. I think in my whole life I've only ever eaten one steak. One. And I certainly didn't finish it.

19. Did you have a baby blanket?
Yep. Called it blankie or something. Was cute. Except I didn't sleep under it, I rolled it up and slept next to it. So if I ever end up calling my spouse 'Blankie' in the middle of the night, don't mind me...

20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair?
Yes. I ended up with huge bald patches at the front of my hair. Tried to hide it with hair bands.

21. Have you ever sleepwalked?
Hope not.

22. Have you ever had a birthday party at Macdonalds?
No!

23. Can you flip your eye-lids up?
Like with my fingers? Or by myself?

24. Are you double jointed?
No.

25. If you could be any age, what would you be?
In my twenties, possibly. Apparently that's the best age.

26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair?
Yes. Bad bad time.

27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride?
No. Because it was short...and I'm never going to trust Alice again. Gah.

28. What is your dream car?
It used to be a bug, but now its a silver and black Mini (Em: Elijah Wood has a silver and black Mini! Me: Shut up, Em. What did I say about talking about 'him' here? Em: Hey! I've been good, I haven't spoken about him for months! AMes: Tis true. Me: Now you, don't you start too!) or an Aston Martin Vanquish.

30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child?
Yep.

31. How many cavities do you have?
Heaps. Although they've all been fixed.

32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?
Wah...no. We have cat food in the cupboard, bordering on four years now...without a cat.

33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?
Unbuckle. Roll down the windows and swim out. What else would you do?

34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Nope.

35. Can you pick something up with your toes?
Paintbrushes. Coins. Pencils.

36. How many remote controls do you have?
Seven that I use. The one for my broken stereo, the one for my air conditioner, the four for the TV in the living room (tv, cable, dvd, vcr) and one for the air conditioner out there.

37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school?
Twice in History. Once in Chemistry. Several times in English...

38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year?
Four. Twice for Malaysia. Twice for Sydney. That's just sad. I used to fly heaps when I was younger.

39. How many foreign countries have you visited?
Heaps. Do I have to list them? I'll shorten it. Malaysia, Singapore, The US and various places there, Europe and various places there and England.

41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?
Rich and unhappy. I'm sorry, if you were rich, you could at least be a little happy.

42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float?
Float. You do that thing I learned in the Baskervilles and Princess Bride. Spread your body out and try to reach for something.

44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost?
Yes. I hate it when my friends are like trying to work it out and do not want to ask a stranger where to go. Its so silly.

45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean?
Yes. Owned it. Did not eat it.

46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?
Soooo Alice.

47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points?
Crayons. You could always fashion new points. An ant farm with no ants is just a heap of sand.

48. Do you prefer light or dark bread?
Light, cause I'm sad but I can do with whole meal.

49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?
Scrambled. I'm a scrambled ma'am. Unless its Eggs Benedict. Yum.

50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas?
No.

~

Damn it. I have to get up early tommorow. Have to go clothes shopping. Have to call Ying. HAVE TO STUDY. Gah. I'm doing that procrastination thing again. Bad me. Btw, saw the Incredibles today. That movie rocked my socks. Definitely 10/10. Woo!!!!!!!

~ M.M.W who will not post just to show her icons off... ~
Schnugged at 01:34 |

Current Mood: Faint Hearted
Current Music: Don't Panic - Coldplay


You are a freeform writer. Individualistic with a
sense for the different and challenging, Walt
Whitman and his poetry lacking meter and rhyme
is just what the doctor ordered. You're quick
to write something that the rest of the world
doesn't accept as poetry, quick to separate
yourself from the average joe. An author with a
true sense of self, you have confidence in your
abilities and aren't afraid to show it. :) GO
YOU!


What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

~
From The Memes List:

You've decided to go shopping in all of the little shops that line the downtown area of your town. As you come out of a store you see a woman getting into her car. As she gets into her car she drops her pocketbook. She then shuts the door and drives away. No one see's this pocketbook laying on the ground except you. What do you do?

You open the pocketbook and there is a huge wad of 100's and fifty dollar bills. Now what would you do? Be honest!

Well...hmm...if it really was that much, I'd actually be wary to go out and spend it all. I'd try to somehow contact the person, or catch their drivers licsence. I know that sounds so trite and so not what you'd expect really anyone to do, but I don't know, I would actually feel weird. I mean if they dropped like a few bucks, I guess that'd be okay, but what if I held their savings...or something they really needed and just stupidly but accidentally lost.

A'mes: Oh please. You would be all over the sales like a fat kid on a cupcake.
Me: No I wouldn't! And stop stealing Van Wilder quotes!

~

Found the funniest thing on Daydream: List Your 10 Anti-Resolution, that is bad things that you know that you will keep right on doing.

1. Even if I do get into the right course, have the right friends, have the right sort of life, I am still going to fuck it up entirely.

2. I'll keep being a moody, tempermental bitch. Just you watch, ho.

3. Obsess aimlessly about something I won't even like after six months. E.g. Anime, Japan, TV shows etc.

4. *sigh* I hate this one although this is thing supposed to be funny. I guess, keep right on hating my friends, finding it harder and harder to forgive them. Sometimes it gets so unbearable I....

5. Keep right on dreaming about 'blue boy'.

6. Keep right on day dreaming.

7. Even though I've actually finished I.B., I still won't 'get' a life.

8. Not get a job.

9. Not exercise.

10. Keep on smoking.

~

Had our 'picnico' yesterday. They all arrived ten minutes late, which gave me ample time to actually dress. Mum made me scrub the bathroom and I was like, "Mum! They're not going to use it! And if they do, they can use the guest bathroom." which actually does sparkle. But no!!!!! So still in my pjs, I had to slide across wet floor and scrub nonexistent mildew. Jesus.

Anyway, they came and then Sue came, and we all passed the 'first' park which they wanted to stay at, but I said no, so we went to the other park, which I think was much nicer, although more flies, and we sat down, food and all, and then Sue and I went off to Anna, who was waiting patiently at her house.

Being me, I usually know the way, unfortunately I took Sue down the wrong path, but made up for it by walking fast. We arrived at Anna's and I slid the gate open and got the shock of my life when Anna's mum was like 'Hello girls!' from behind the door. I screamed. And a second later, Sue screamed...apparently because of me, but I know better. Anna's mum and dad were cutting branches and leaves to clear out some of the space for the garden, what my mum does every six months to the encroaching ivy outside by window.

Anyway, we played with little Monty for a while and then Anna grabbed a hat and we all sailed out the door, back to the park. Half an hour later, we were there, having switched bags and discussed what it would be like if we did all end up in the same course thing. We got back, sat down and resumed eating Cathy!dip and chips, along with Carman's root beer, my cherries, carrots and watermelons (all mixed together...) and some other rudimentary chocolate. I wasn't that hungry, perhaps just hungry for conversation, which is what we did for a few hours. I don't really remember what we talked about much, perhaps school, what we were going to do, sports in which I rolled my eyes a lot (it always manages to drift back to cricket) and other things, I don't remember what.

Well, eventually most of us (bar Cathy) voted on going back to my house or down to the other park, because it was getting hot overhead and more flies seemed to have amassed. So we sat under a nice oaky tree beside the road, lay out or had a swing and talked more. Eventually, we decided to go back to my house, Anna went off home, and we sat around waiting for everyone's parents to pick them up. Bad moment: When Cathy's Dad came to pick her up and her dad and my dad started discussing scores and they started edging towards what our actual scores were and I was like...'NO! No!'. Cathy had the same look on her face. It was scary.

Not a bad day. Oh yeah. I was going to post a picture of Monty. Such a cutie.




~

Ahh. Next week I have a) I get my card! Whee b) The Incredibles and Elektra c) My Drivers Test...I gotta study and d)Hopefully my Garden State CD and my Phantom of the Opera CD and maybe then...I'll get my photos in! Agh.

Reminds me, now that I have lotsa money, I can actually do my own groceries. Woo.

Ames: *sigh* Wait till you get a credit card, then you can do lots more...
Me: What? Like get porn delivered to your door?
Ames: *ponders* Well yes...

*sigh*

~ M.M.W ~

PS: Made an Icon for/of my friends.


Schnugged at 23:39 |

Current Mood: Demure
Current Music: Holding Out For A Hero - Frou Frou

Today was interesting. Found out how I can get into my course and set down my preferences. Okay, well that's it. I'm happy. I've discussed it with my parents. Its now final. Good. Now am in anticipation for the seventeenth.

~

Pursuit: Sylvia Plath


Dans le fond des forêts votre image me suit.
RACINE




There is a panther stalks me down:
One day I'll have my death of him;
His greed has set the woods aflame,
He prowls more lordly than the sun.
Most soft, most suavely glides that step,
Advancing always at my back;
From gaunt hemlock, rooks croak havoc:
The hunt is on, and sprung the trap.
Flayed by thorns I trek the rocks,
Haggard through the hot white noon.
Along red network of his veins
What fires run, what craving wakes?

Insatiate, he ransacks the land
Condemned by our ancestral fault,
Crying: blood, let blood be spilt;
Meat must glut his mouth's raw wound.
Keen the rending teeth and sweet
The singeing fury of his fur;
His kisses parch, each paw's a briar,
Doom consummates that appetite.
In the wake of this fierce cat,
Kindled like torches for his joy,
Charred and ravened women lie,
Become his starving body's bait.

Now hills hatch menace, spawning shade;
Midnight cloaks the sultry grove;
The black marauder, hauled by love
On fluent haunches, keeps my speed.
Behind snarled thickets of my eyes
Lurks the lithe one; in dreams' ambush
Bright those claws that mar the flesh
And hungry, hungry, those taut thighs.
His ardor snares me, lights the trees,
And I run flaring in my skin;
What lull, what cool can lap me in
When burns and brands that yellow gaze?

I hurl my heart to halt his pace,
To quench his thirst I squander blook;
He eats, and still his need seeks food,
Compels a total sacrifice.
His voice waylays me, spells a trance,
The gutted forest falls to ash;
Appalled by secret want, I rush
From such assault of radiance.
Entering the tower of my fears,
I shut my doors on that dark guilt,
I bolt the door, each door I bolt.
Blood quickens, gonging in my ears:

The panther's tread is on the stairs,
Coming up and up the stairs.

~

Whenever I read that poem, I always think of the Phantom. They even use the same words. "Glut" etc. It's so Christine's poem. "There is a panther stalks me down" "One day I'll have my death of him" "What fires run, what craving wakes" "Doom consumates that appetite" "His ardour snares me" "His voice waylays me, spells a trance" (Oh c'mon!) "Appalled by secret want, I rush" "I shut my doors on that dark guilt" "The panther's tread is on the stairs, coming up and up the stairs"
It is so obviously about the phantom, when according to the movie Sylvia which I watched and capped today (So sad!), it was about her husband, then boyfriend, Ted Hughes, who she quickly falls in love with and how he 'pursues' her. I love the imagery, the feel, and also the pentameter of this poem. It really rocks along. Also, of course, its about the Phantom too. Ah, I love that movie/musical/book. Well, since this is such a great poem, I shall have to utilise it for my icons. Too bad I have none now for it. So tired from capping. *sighs* Btw, in the movie, 'Sylvia', Ted Hughes is played by that obnoxious dick head (no! Not the bad guy, the other one who doesn't shoot her at the waterfall!) from Tomb Raider. AHHHHHHHHH! Kersplat.

~

Went to Anna's today, after of course, my meeting at school and home for lunch. It was so spontaneous and free-feeling, and I walked back from her house. So nice. Except it was raining. Good thing, I got to see her new puppy. He is sooooo adorable. So small too. And he skids when he runs across the floor. His name is Monty...



Me: Monty Basil Kwiecien.
Anna: Montgomery Basil Kwiecien.
Me: Hmm...how about Count Mont...no wait, how about Dracula? Blacula?
Anna: [stares at me]

Yeah, I do that.

Ames: Too often.

Oh shut up, biatch.
Anyway, he is really really cute. And Anna and I sat in her room talking about French names and stuff, while he lay next to her and fell asleep on her little rug thing. Awww. So adorable. I think I scared everyone by my cooing. Oh, did I mention I love Anna's house? There is something antiquey and antiquated about it. I love it. Luff.

~


Still on my post: 18 comments - 1 = 17 comments. Woo. Woo. Woo. Go me, for knowing my audience. No really, go me. Off to write, icon and just wait, I guess. For nothing. Maybe job hunting tommorow. OH no wait, bank account thing and also, begin studying for my L's! Next week. Woo hoo.

~ M.M.W ~




Schnugged at 22:07 |