Sunday, June 5
Current Mood:
DistressedCurrent Music: Passing By - Zero 7
I am. Freaking. Out. Because. I am. So behind. Even though. I am doing. Revision. Or Am. I. ?.
Nevertheless, I still have time for mindless chats. Here we go.
~
[Me talking to Josh, my super sexy, super clever friend. Note, this is not Ames' Josh who has disappeared off the earth. This is Melbourne Josh.]
Me: Wow. I'm so superficial. You've made me feel bad.
Josh: Bad, you must feel.
Josh: Superficial, you are.
Me: Oh, don't Yoda me.
Josh: Influencing my speech, the latest episode of Star Wars is.
Me: How do you have the energy to be so witty so late at night?
Josh: I'm always witty.
Me: Always always? Even when you're out in an alley at 4 am vommiting? You're still witty, then?
Josh: Yep. I'll say something like "Carrots? I didn't eat carrots! It's those evil carrot pixies again!"
Josh: 1t5 WH3n J00 $Ub5tI+uTE NUMB3r5 @Nd 5yMB0ls pHOR L3++eR5 4nd M1X UP c@p1t@l Le+TeR$ 4Nd L0wER C@$3.
Me: Oh god, stop it now.
Josh: It's HARD CORE NERD language.
Josh: I hide my nerdiness well.
Me: Behind the wittiness and cutsey-utseyness?
Josh: Yes.
Josh: You can read me like a book.
Josh: WAIT A MINUTE!!!
JOSH: I don't remember ever being cutsey-utsey!
[Yeah. I'm not going to say exactly WHAT we were talking about...]
Josh: You don't want money do you?
Me: Oh wait, I thought you did?
Me: ;)
Josh: We're both such sluts!!
[As to one liners.]
Josh: I usually use this one.
Me: You have a line? Hon, you don't need one.
Josh: I do! I really like it, too. It's a smart one.
Me: Oh dear...
Josh: Can I ask you a question? If I asked you for sex, would your answer to that question be the same answer as the answer to the question I'm asking you now? It ALWAYS works.
Josh: I've only used it twice though.
Me: And has it worked?
Josh: Yes. It has. Both times.
Me: So you got to hide the saussage? Both times?
Josh: No, only one time. But I hooked up both times.
Me: Nice.
Josh: Yes, I certainly thought so.
Me: I'm so proud of you!!!
Josh: Really? I'm so pleased!
Josh: I want you to have my children.
Josh: All 30 of them.
Me: Whoa...wait...what?
Josh: Okay, make it 20. Is that okay?
Me: Well...I was kinda aiming for 40, but okay!
Josh: Phwoar, can you say 'Stretch marks'?!?!?!
Me: Plastic surgery, darl. Its the new yoga.
[On who experience more pain, men or women?]
Me: I wish there was some way you could experience birth pain. And waxing. AND first times.
Josh: We press weights. Wanna know what lifting 90kg feels like?
Me: Oh please, that's nothing compared to the pain we go through.
Me: Do you even want me to get into menstrual cramps?
[On dating.]
Josh: By the way, I DON'T fuck and leave.
Me: Never said you did. You seem like the perfect gentleman.
Josh: Don't tell anyone, but I enjoy spooning afterwards.
Me: Awww!
Me: You're like a cute teddy bear in a penis costume.
Josh: Whoa. There's a surreal image for my overwrought brain.
Me: I can be surreal too, y'know.
Josh: Thank you, you've just given me emotional scarring that'll last at least a few hours.
Me: I'm glad I've helped.
[Talk over pregnancy. ANd me not wanting to because its too painful.]
Josh: Then don't have a baby.
Me: I won't.
Josh: Wait, I thought you were going to have my babies?
Me: Oh no, what are we going to do?
Me: Surrogate? Adopt?
Me: Clone?
Me: No, you don't. You're just effervescently cool. You emulate coolness. You are the suave, effiminate casanova.
Josh: People emulate me. I don't emulate anything.
Josh: You mean emanate.
Me: Fine, you mulate.
Me: Oh no wait, that's the right word.
Me: But 'mulate' sounds cool.
Me: Oh no wait, it sonds like a cow ovulating.
Me: I can't believe people eat placenta.
Josh: Eerrgh.
Me: Its like 'Here. Its been baking for 9 months. Enjoy.'
Josh: Such a fragrant word followed by such an unpleasant image.
Me: Sorry. Did I emotionally scarr again?
Josh: "Hmmm, needs more salt."
[Just random placentaness.]
Me: But we'd have lots of placenta. 30 babies = 30 placenta.
Me: We could start a market for them!
Josh: Trade with your friends! Display out the front of your house!
Me: Or start a collection and name them.
Me: Like garden gnomes! Perfection.
Josh: Wet, red, slimy perfection.
Josh: We're really, really, really bored, aren't we?
Josh: Did you ever notice that when you say a word a lot of times, it starts to sound different?
Me: Yeah. Fuck ends up sounding like 'fwack'.
Josh: Ew. Sounds gross.
Me: Placenta gross?
Josh: No. Not that gross.
[Back to dating and the sharing of clothes etc]
Josh: I think its some kind of territory thing. If you wear my clothes, that means you're mine or something.
Me: So if you wear my clothes...?
Josh: You take me to a therapist.
Me: [Back to the territorial thing] Or you could just pee around me? That works too.
[And finally...in closing.]
Josh: Heh heh. Poor Mel.
Me: Why poor me?
Josh: You'll MISS me.
Me: No, I won't.
Josh: Won't you? Oh.
~
About 4 hours worth of conversation. Jesus. Anyway. Exam studying now. Ciao.
~ M.M.W ~
