Current Mood: Rue
Current Music: Love Generation - Bob Sinclair (Techno Whateva Remix)

I don't think there's a song today that hasn't got some sort of remix on it. Granted, some songs sound so much better with a topped-up remix i.e. Charlotte Martin's "Chasing A Shadow" but others...kinda...hmm, how can I say this...suck blow? Love Generation is my new driving song. Its so perfect to bop and do the box to while the world whizzes by in blurry landscaped images. There's a peace and 'life' listening to music while you drive. Its almost, one could say, intoxicating.

~

So, what's new? Alot. Ahuh. So tell me about it? Do I have to? Yes you do. So um...my hair's grown. Yes, I can see that. But how are you? Tell me about you? But I just did. You did, when? I said my hair's grown longer. Well okay, that's not the type of thing I want you to talk about. So what do you want me to talk about? Oh never mind. Okay then doc, why don't we talk about you?

~

I'm ditching two classes today just because I'm in such a terrible mood and I really can't be fucked going. REALLY CANNOT BE FUCKED. What's new? Well, I just glanced at my last two posts (real effing ones about me and not some angsty bullshit I was on) and they were made over three months ago. I cannot believe it has been almost more than three months ago that I went overseas. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. Time flies at University. It feels like forever and then it doesn't. Only a human mind could understand and empathise with that sort of contradiction. Life can feel so fleeting one moment and then so eternal the next.

What the fuck has happened/is happening to me? I can't write. I can't do anything. I'm so lethargic and semi-comatose most of the time. I sleep like a schlepped up Baby on permanent sleeping pills. I'm irritable and horrible to my peers and I'm so fat that I mushroom over any waistband. Can't say that I haven't tried to change but I find myself engaging in all my daily vices unconciously. I can't help but sleep and eat and snark and hate and resent and envy. It all has so much control over me that the floor seems to spin and spin and spin...and I just feel like throwing up this evil, evil girl inside of me. I don't want her in there spoiling everything. Where is that moment where you 'bloom', where you transcend in the annoyingly mature adult I was always suppossed to be? Everything becomes so focused and beautiful, and this sort of enlightenment and ruthless takes over your every move. Where do people find that self-control and self-possession? I don't know. All I can find, deep, deep inside of me, beneath the layers of self-hatred and snow, is self-destruction and a residing hunger. Even now, my stomach rumbles for peace.

I really can't sleep properly anymore.
Schnugged at 09:39 |