Friday, June 23
I'm going on holiday tommorow.
And I'm dreading it.
~
Right now, right now, I'd rather stay at home and go to work tommorow (Claire has an open shift from 12-5) and curl up in my enormous bed and dream my dreams. I'd really rather not be reminded of how apathetic I get when I'm around my friends. They're so domineering and condescending and smart. I hate myself for it and I hate them for it and I don't know which I hate more. Although it would probably be myself, I don't see it doing any good.
I've been stressing out all this week thanks to this 'holiday', as for going up there, what we're going to do. FOR ONCE can we just do something without someone else not wanting to do it, without some little hiccupt that just annoys the SHITZAH out of me and while yes, I'm pedantically, insanely neurotic, why can't things just GO RIGHT...and TAKE THEIR OWN COURSE? I mean, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Why is it that when everything in your life is going ok (work, family) the other one (friends) fucks up? I mean seriously, what is up with that? I remember at MLC, I used to have good school days where I was so happy to be there and I'd come home and it would be KABLAMO, huge fight with mum or dad or sister and I'd go cry in my room. A lot more painful and real than it sounds.
With every fibre of my being, I know exactly what's going to happen. Something is not going to go to plan, I'm going to be irritiated up the wazoo and do my lonely sulking thing. I can't help it. My heart becomes torn between wanting to be right and the power-shifts between relationships. I don't want to always give up and let them have their way, because hey that means they can act EVEN MORE condescending towards me and not listen to me or ask my opinions. I mean, when has ANYONE ever asked my taste in music? I mean, really...
Oh I've had enough bitching. I've still go to go get the DVDs and iron my clothes, and pack my day bag and find a blanket and take a shower and die a little more inside...
~ M.M.W ~
PS: I really REALLY think I have a crush on Brin. Everytime I look up, he's looking at me. Everytime I look at him, he looks at me and I do the quick 'momentary glance' thing. Plus, I've stopped speaking normally to him. Now I just laugh at his various law jokes and look away. *facepalm* OH GOD.
PS: I LOVE night shifts. Some customer taught me the difference between unhomogenised and homogenised milk WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING. Also, I gave this guy $300 and not $200. OMG. FUCKUP.
PS: I had a music video dream the other night to 'Like A Prayer' by Madonna. Spooky?
Wednesday, June 14
Two posts in one day. OH yeah, its Exam Period.
~
Reading Cleo's posts about her *clean cleanily* activities, cat hair tumbleweed and pyramids of dust bunnies and I just can't help but want to clean my room myself (and steam my floor...yay!). It is SOOO messy. I'm not kidding. My MOTHER has given up on me. And she has never given up before. I tried cleaning it during EXAM PERIOD but I quite literally just fell back on the bed, which right now, despite it being a queen size, is now a single because one half of it is just piles of notes for CONTRACT and books and two doonas and a mass of clothes I need to wash and so on.
My closet I haven't even looked into because everytime I open it an inch, all these hangers and clothes (most of them clean, I hope, EEk!) keep flying out and hitting me in the face so I just um, keep it closed. As for my 'so called' laundry basket more like rotund snake charmer pot, is actually piled high with unwashed clothes and it doesn't help that its right next to the trash. I have quite literally RUN out of clothes to wear so I'm living in my pajamas. Today is the FIRST day in a week that I've worn something besides pajama bottoms, my giant fluffy jumper and big red slippers. Yeah, well, pajamas are just the best things in the world. They keep me warm and snuggly in the cold depths of the night...while I'm awake and trying EVER SO HARD to write up Contract Notes.
~
So yeah, the plan for tommorow is
1) Wake Up
2) Do Last Minute Study in the Pre-Dawn Sky While Shivering So Much that I Sniffle All THe Way through te Contract Exam just as I did my Accounting One
3) Do Contract Exam *sniffle*^1000000
4) Come out of Contract Exam. Scream Yay...because it sucked.
5) Go Home.
6) Sleep for a thousand years. (Yeah bitch, no Prince Charming)
7) Wake Up.
8)CLEAN ROOM
No totally, I've got a plan. I'm going to like get a cloth and wipe all the dust down and open the windows and chuck all my notes
So apparently I thought I had problems...well lookie here, I have even more.
Lorne has now changed from what I thought was te 25th to the 23rd which of course is Friday, meaning that I have to somehow convince my well-meaning but certainly GROWLY supervisors that I need to liek...not work next week. AHHH. *tears hair* Okay, its not that bad, I just umm...have to learn how to you know, being subtle, polite but firm. But Kate scares me. Ahh.
However, on the flipside, I am, hopefully going to Lorne. Yay. Roadtrip, alkeyhol, a week by the freezingly cold beach with my friends and great accomodation without parentals and with NO MONEY. YAY!
~
On the flip-flip-side, I have just done about 200 pages of Contract Reading in the last twenty four hours. I am so tired and I am so BORED, I am bout to bash my brains out with one of the New York Supplementary TOMES that have been taunting me. Yes, taunting. I need some food. All I have is half a mashed powerbar and a diet coke, so I'm running on ZERO hours sleep and artificial sweetner.
SWEET
Oh oh yeah, and I'm not done. I still have to finish the last 10 pages of Implying Terms (fuckyeah) and then get right back onto theories. AND OMG, I CANNOT FIND MY NOTES FOR ACCEPTANCE. OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.........
*flurries about*
Where where wherehwherehehwerheh are you? OMG. I do NOT want to have to write that all up again.
As you can tell, bar me searching for new music and keeping up on the celebrity world (ZOMG JIM and MANDY? What happened to Braff?), I'm trying to study and its really...not...going...so well. I know, like zip on theories, except for the stuff at the end of the chapters and I'm stalling so I don't have to read ANYTHING EVERY AGAIN on Terms. I really really hope the exam is NOT on terms...but if it isn't, its ESTOPPEL. So yeah, okay, I hope its ESTOPPEL, but only because I was slightly less insane when I was writing notes for that. 3 AM me is so much more sane than 3 PM me. I don't think I've ever worked this hard in my life and yet...I'm still going to suck.
Wah.
~ M.M.W noooooooooooo I don't wannna gooo back ~
Tuesday, June 13
Current Mood:
Faint HeartedMusic: Angry Angel - Imogen Heap
What a ROX song. I love it. LOVE IT. Listened to it 10 times straight now and I keep head banging.
~
So a little sleuth work here. My parents went out Saturday Night so some spectacular spectacular thing (the brochure is lying on the kitchen table but I'm too lazy to go get it) so my sister and I went hunting for our photo albums which mum has hidden somewhere in the house and refused to give it to us. So we're looking EVERYWHERE...and Karen tells me to get the stool so she can go behind the luggage racks in my parent's walk in closet. So I go to the second living room and just as I'm about to leave with the stool, I glance at the 'armoire' with the cd rack and lamp on it (yeah, my dad's so antiquated, he JUST caught up with CDS). And I glare at it a bit harder and then BANG, I realise...its not really an armoire but a giant, ancient, somewhat spooky looking CHEST.
I yell for my sister. She comes running and she tries to open it.
Unfortunately she cannot because...dundundun...there is a lock. Yep. And its not your usual silver key-lock, its weird. Like scary, mystical weird. Think of the first Indiana Jones weird. Its long, burnished gold colour, with a strange Egyptian drawings inscribed on the side and the keyhole is strange looking. My sister has an immediate flashback to seeing this key before but never realising it was a key. She even draws a picture of it. And thus the hunt begins...where would my mum, apparently the most predictable person in the world, hide this key? And what on earth is ALSO in this chest? (It can't just be the albums.)
~
[Two Hours Later]
After flurried searching and me finding a mass of other stuff (my birthday necklace, my earrings from last Christmas, my tamagotchies (one of which I was sure I lost in the Lourve), all my DIY cards I gave to mum when I was younger (I think my mum hates me but she keeps these in her bedside drawer...so I don't know...), all my hairties, my Halloween spider from Year 6 etc. But no key. No godamn key. Nothing that looks like a key. And I've looked everywhere mum might keep it, in dad's weird coin collection, in all of mum's jewellry boxes, in her bags, in the art closet, in the tools closet. ARGH. CANNOT FIND IT.
Sister gives up when boyfriend comes. More on that bitch-of-a-shit later. But I keep wondering...really...how strange. I usually can find something. But this object elludes me.
Although, I'm proud of myself. I did find the barbies Mum confiscated from my playroom when I was eight and dropped my giant bottle of soda on the floor. But they've reduced in number and lost all their clothes??? My God. Was there a war while I was gone?
~
Okay, for the past like EIGHT WEEKS, Peter has been staying over every weekend. And I, because its HELLO me, have hated it. I mean, I'm sure he's a nice guy...but he's dating my sister. PROBLEM. The only boyfriend I've EVER liked was Sam and he turned out to be a complete asshole so I'm going to be a complete asshole to each and every one of them. Plus, I've decided that he's not the one and my sister deserves better. Sure, he's like the no.1# sniper in Australia and he's got all these amazing stories but really...ugh. (Altho the boar one was hilarious!) And anyway, all they watch are war movies and by god, that gets boring. I mean HOW MANY TIMES can we watch G.I. Jane? Natalie Portman with a shaved head is sexy. Demi Moore with a shaved head...just reminds me how much I hated my bald Spanish Teacher and how Sonia and I used to sing "Shiny Disco Ball!" everytime he came into the room.
Sometimes in Spanish.
Challah.
~ M.M.W ~
Tuesday, June 6
Dudes, the guy sitting at the desk in front of me is just killing me. He's been sucking on some LOLLY for the past one hour and its sooo loud that I can't concentrate on anything for more than five seconds. And that scary librarian dude keeps making his rounds, so I have to keep popping my lunch behind my computer screen. Ahhhh. And I have my fucking exam on THURSDAY. AND I'm not effing ready.
Well, I guess it all doesn't really matter in the long-run because apparently today is THE END.
~
Although, I was reading earlier that some people (numerologists) were saying that it is good because the numbers add up to 18, which apparently is financially lucky. Hmmm? Maybe I'll be rich in hell. Hee.
