Friday, June 23
I'm going on holiday tommorow.
And I'm dreading it.
~
Right now, right now, I'd rather stay at home and go to work tommorow (Claire has an open shift from 12-5) and curl up in my enormous bed and dream my dreams. I'd really rather not be reminded of how apathetic I get when I'm around my friends. They're so domineering and condescending and smart. I hate myself for it and I hate them for it and I don't know which I hate more. Although it would probably be myself, I don't see it doing any good.
I've been stressing out all this week thanks to this 'holiday', as for going up there, what we're going to do. FOR ONCE can we just do something without someone else not wanting to do it, without some little hiccupt that just annoys the SHITZAH out of me and while yes, I'm pedantically, insanely neurotic, why can't things just GO RIGHT...and TAKE THEIR OWN COURSE? I mean, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Why is it that when everything in your life is going ok (work, family) the other one (friends) fucks up? I mean seriously, what is up with that? I remember at MLC, I used to have good school days where I was so happy to be there and I'd come home and it would be KABLAMO, huge fight with mum or dad or sister and I'd go cry in my room. A lot more painful and real than it sounds.
With every fibre of my being, I know exactly what's going to happen. Something is not going to go to plan, I'm going to be irritiated up the wazoo and do my lonely sulking thing. I can't help it. My heart becomes torn between wanting to be right and the power-shifts between relationships. I don't want to always give up and let them have their way, because hey that means they can act EVEN MORE condescending towards me and not listen to me or ask my opinions. I mean, when has ANYONE ever asked my taste in music? I mean, really...
Oh I've had enough bitching. I've still go to go get the DVDs and iron my clothes, and pack my day bag and find a blanket and take a shower and die a little more inside...
~ M.M.W ~
PS: I really REALLY think I have a crush on Brin. Everytime I look up, he's looking at me. Everytime I look at him, he looks at me and I do the quick 'momentary glance' thing. Plus, I've stopped speaking normally to him. Now I just laugh at his various law jokes and look away. *facepalm* OH GOD.
PS: I LOVE night shifts. Some customer taught me the difference between unhomogenised and homogenised milk WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING. Also, I gave this guy $300 and not $200. OMG. FUCKUP.
PS: I had a music video dream the other night to 'Like A Prayer' by Madonna. Spooky?
