Tuesday, July 4
Back from Lorne. It was surprisingly dramatic given there were drunken crying rants (by me), dirty scrabble and hectic calls from home concerning my potential firing, so yeah, indeedidly alarming. Photos and discussion to follow.
~
I am going insane.
Yes, its from the stress of work but also because of a certain boy.
I don't know WHY because two days ago I wasn't even warily attracted to him, but then all it takes is a D&M over packing bags and waterbottles and suddenly I can't stop staring dreamily at him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ames: Its because its been your DREAM to be called MRS BUTLER for so lonnnnnnggggggg....
Mel: Yeah but not...oh shut up AMES.
I'm so tired and confused, I can't even come up with a good witty comeback. Not that I could but at least I would have tried and it would have come out nonsensical, yet still a half-wit. Hah. Pun not even intended nor noted.
Friday, we drove back from Lorne. It was a pleasant trip tho I became nauseated halfway and made Sue sit in the back. Dropped Sue off at Spencer Street Station leaving me (ohnoes) to navigate our way out of the city. Believe me, harder than it sounds. After I got home, I fell half-asleep till about 6, got ready (it takes an HOUR) and then went to work, heart in my feet. I was DREADING running into Corey or Beck (luckily I found out that both are on hols). Got there, everyone was normal and it was over-staffed so I got to (pretend) do stock for two hours. Then, someone at the service desk calls me over the P.A. and I was like 'FUCK', I hate going on the machines when there is peak hour traffic. Luckily enough, there was none and GothGIRL and Mr.Collins (okay, so I nickname everyone I don't know) were lazily talking to each other over the registers. I look to one of the blonde, overly make-uped girls on the express lanes and they're like (right now imagine trashy eyeshadow and bubble gum) 'Oh. Brynn wants you. He's on Register 14'. And I'm like 'Yay. Brynn. Oh wait...is it Brin? But Brin sounds too girly. Oh fuck.' So I go over to Reg.14 and he's counting as per usual and starts talking to me about his trip to Darwin. And I'm like 'Uhuhuhuhuhuh...so why exactly am I here...uhuhuhuhuhcooluhuuh'. I'm completely confused as to why he's called me over and like the stereotyped clued out nerd ask why. And he's like 'Oh, you've been doing stock for two hours, I thought you'd just want a break...'.
So here's where my overanalysation skills kick into overdrive. NEVER EVER has a supervisor ever called me over to 'talk' and yeah we're friends but we're not that good'a friends. AND OMG, does this mean something? But then, it probably doesn't and I'm being stupid. But what if it does? What if it means...oh, Mel, but you're so stupid and ugly. And then I realise I've been really quiet for way too long and start asking really superficial questions, like what he's doing next semester and I realise I know absolutely nothing about him besides that he does law, he lives near me, he works at the same Safeway and we both agree that our law lecturer is awesome. So yeah, my feelings for him are a little over-exagerrated and aren't really based on anything.
Anyway, we're just getting into an ACTUAL conversation (I told him about the work-holiday problem and he is suprisingly comforting) when Shirley interrupts and tells me to go do stuff, because well Shirley is like that and she scares me, just like Lena does because that woman is just scary. I'm surprised Tristan didn't run away from her today but then Tristan is Tristan, who actually warned me about Shirley and for weeks, before I actually identified Shirley, I was on constant watch for a giant female boar running to and fro between the night crew sniffing people out for sitting at their registers. Anyhoodle, I go do more stock, in particular Tim Tams for another hour or so and more people leave (blonde bimbos first, then Mr Collins then Gothgirl) until its just me, him, various customers and the Night Crew. Anyway, while I'm doing stock he just always manages to 'pass by me' and keep annoying me about taking my break (long-running joke, I think breaks are a waste of time during the night shift and he can't believe I believe that etc etc, I know I know its sad) when eventually I snap it at him, I forget exactly what I said but it had something to do with funny Tim Tams and he laughed and it was...well, a nice moment.
So I go on my break and come back and I want to go back to Tim Tams because suddenly I'm thinking about him in a totally irrational way and he calls me over to do the express lanes with him and for a moment, I freak. OMG. Two hours. With him. Alone. My god, I am a conversation-killer. What on EARTH are we going to talk about?
For a day that started out terrible (Sue and Cathy poking me to wake up at 7:30 AM) full of heart-break and dread and sickness, someone down there or up there must have been smiling on me because suddenly I am all light and funniness and I manage to wave a D&M somewhere between waterbottles, trash, counting registers and snarking. My mind is a complete blur as to what we talked about, but suddenly I can look at him, I mean it, actually look into his eyes. First we start out with where I'm from and he guesses it (I may have told him prior) and then where he's from (aha, this is where I find out BUTLER is his last name and a part of me almost dies right there, in that little spot and yes, I can't help asking if he has SCOTTISH origins). Then we get to what we've been doing etc and suddenly we're talking about life goals and what we want out of life really and he starts talking about his viewpoints on life and all things metaphysical and I start arguing and suddenly I find out that I love him. Dear god. Oh no. Please no. He's just...so...parfait. He's not OVERLY GOREGOUS but I find him completely irresistible in so many other ways, yet he is kind of good looking, and he is good in that cumbersome noble way. And OMG, I almost want to stretch each moment out till 12. Other moments I remember is making him laugh many times, including that of the stock boy who I still don't talk to (it was sometime during our argument and Brin was counter-arguing my point of view and I responded with 'well that sounded like a lot of bull-shit' and suddenly I hear this laugh behind me and its the stock boy doubling over). And then later, I made the REALLY REALLY hot but very yobbo night crew guy laugh (I think the joke was over all the people who kept asking me where I was from - accent and culture-mix). And then, it all came to a head with the last customer and omg, it was so perfect. I can't explain it, everytime I think back on it, it was like a scene out of a movie. I get the same smile from that memory as I do from that moment in Coupling where Patrick tells Sally, "I WAS TALKING ABOUT...ME". That's how good it was.
Oh and then he put on his pullover and told me he loved walking. And then offered to walk me to my car. AND I FREAKING ALMOST DIED. Because I just realised he has a really really nice body and he was doing the whole KNIGHT thing (because apparently some customer came by to pick up his left bag and was asking about me). Sadly enough I had to decline because my mom was waiting outside and I don't think I could brave THAT embarassment. But ooooooooh, I SOOO just want to walk home with him in the dark. And not just because I like him, but because I like TALKING to him. And that m darling is so completely separate from my liking him but is still so mixed up with the reason I find him so adore-worthy.
Dear god, I sound exactly the same when I was writing my diary entries about TOM seven years ago. That part in Chamber of Secrets still scares me. I told myself I was never going to obsess about anyone like that again and yeah, I'm totally over-blowing this but I can't help it. I just really like him and something here must mean more that absolutely nothing. It must. Either that or I really have gone insane.
Ames: Mel, you've just written an essay on about two hours worth of conversation, most of which had you 'dying'. I think you're above and beyond insanity now.
Mel: But AMES, I can't help it. There's a guy I'm REMOTELY attracted to, and he's paying me ATTENTION. I can't help it.
Did I mention that we did the glance-exchange? I looked up and saw him at work today and then he looked at me. And then I glanced up later and saw him looking at me, although I was loathe to say that I glanced away. And now that I'm quite aware of this over-budding obsession, I can't TALK TO HIM properly. Yeah, ready for it. FUCK.
~ M.M.W ~
