Tuesday, September 5
S E C R E T P O S T
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SO. I'm here instead of attending my contract lecture. Yeah. Big surprise, there. I'm just so tired and my mind really isn't up to it. And anyway, I'd be sitting by myself, hating the fact that neither of my friends showed up again. The thing is, I don't mind it that much. Truly. I don't. I used to. Hell, I used to mind getting on trams. I'd burn up and I'd sweat just GETTING on a tram. Shows how fucked up my parents have made me. Even more so, now. Anyway, the weird thing is, and listen closely, I'm starting to feel really paranoid. EVERYONE keeps looking at me. I'm walking like to a cafe or something and everyone just stares at me queerly. In my Crim lectuer yesterday, I looked at this guy twice and he kept staring at me rather queerly and I couldn't understand why. I don't look THAT horrific, right? I know I used to have the most scarred, pimply face imaginable but now it's all clear and well, fat. So what? They're are weirder looking people here on campus than just me. So what is it? I'm starting to feel Truman-vibes again and my - FRICKING NAILS are making it so hard to type. What if all this is just a dream/TV show? I mean, what if I am really at the center of all things and everything I've worked/strived for is really just a sham to money-make for some vast corporation? Which would of course explain why I have such bad luck, why things look up and then go down, why I got into Law, why I kept moving, why I feel so sick and tired and paranoid all the time. But it doesn't make any sort of sense, does it? And thoughts like this just scare me. Am I really just paranoid or am I going insane?
~ M.M.W ~
